Italian restaurant etiquette

Google translate.

You can save whatever standard phrases you want and reuse them later.

You can also translate on the fly. I either type in or speak into the app. And then I try to repeat the Italian translation to the other person with a little gusto. They usually get a kick out of my lousy accent and my effort to try. If they cannot understand, I just show them the written translation.

Our personal experience is that the better Italian restaurants expect a reservation and your service will be better. Others may disagree but that is our accumulated experience. We often will walk by the restaurants earlier in the day and will make the reservation. A couple of times we have made a reservation at 5pm for a 7pm. And just because you see empty tables you cannot assume that space is available. The better restaurants do not rush customers so the restaurants plan fewer turn overs than most US restaurants. Also, dinner hour is much later. Many restaurants will not open into 7 to 8 pm.

Your lack of Italian should be little issue. I would however learn some basic phrases (hello, thank you. please, etc.) and if you will have a working phone Google Translate can help in a pinch, but just being able to search the name of a dish on google and get an English description helps a lot, even just to translate a key word to see what kind of meat or fish, for example. They likely will have an English menu, thanks to translation apps, but I find them only marginally helpful, get an Italian menu as well, believe me, you know many Italian dishes by their Italian name, not some weird translation.

Many places you will not need a reservation, or if a place looks good, inquire earlier in the day, or the day before and reserve a time. Otherwise, walk in, find a waiter or the owner, and look like you need a table, they will either seat you or indicate to pick a spot. If you want to sit somewhere specific, just point.

Now for what you did not ask. Once you sit and peruse the menu, they may bring bread, your paying for it, but it is fine. Order a bottle of water, still or sparkling (With Gas) for the table, everyone does, it is almost expected that you will. Wine is up to you, need not be a bottle, they always have house wines by the glass or carafe, always very good. There are great gems on the antipasti section, order at least one. For your main dish, you need not get both a Primi and Secondi, one or the other is fine. Do consider a vegetable side dish (Contorni), wonderful fresh grilled, steamed, or sautéed veggies. Dessert is up to you, we often split one. They will always offer coffee after, it takes some convincing them if you do not want it, it seems to be a sin in Italy to not have an espresso after dinner, a digestif (Grappa, Amaro, or other liquor) is an acceptable alternative.

Regarding dinner reservations, I found this article by An American in Rome useful because she explains how Italian restaurants may differ from American restaurants:

"[The] real reason that you need a restaurant reservation in Italy is because your table is booked for the night."

I am accustomed to eating in a restaurant in the U.S. and feeling rushed out the door, and now I understand that is probably because the owners expect diners to be seated after I leave. In Rome, on the other hand, I never felt rushed because that table "belonged" to me.

while we're just strolling around sightseeing, how should we approach Roman terraces and osterias?

It sounds like you're talking about lunch. Often there is someone in charge of the seating at a stand by the door or terrace entrance. If it's seat-yourself then when you catch someone's eye and look at them expectantly they'll just wave to indicate go where you want. It's easy to do this without words. Note that for lunch many places will expect each person to order a dish and frown on a couple splitting just one single plate.

For dinner a reservation often is a good idea. You can ask the front desk of your hotel to call, sometimes a restaurant will have a website where you can reserve a table.

The one key phrase I find important for restaurants in Italy is “Il conto per favore” (the bill please). No one will come and ask you if you would like the bill as they don’t want to rush you. You will need to make eye contact with the waiter to get them to come over to your table and ask for the bill when you are done. Patience is required.

"[The] real reason that you need a restaurant reservation in Italy is because your table is booked for the night."

An interesting corollary to that is if the reservation was made by an American, the restaurant seems to know they won't stay for 4-5 hours. In Milan we walked into a restaurant around 8.00 PM without a dinner reservation. The host said, can you wait 30 minutes? Here's a glass of prosecco. We waited and sure enough, the table we got was vacated by Americans.

And we have also become great fans of the aperitivo.

Unless the restaurant is small with very few tables, and there are only two of you, they should be able to sit you even without reservations. I often go to restaurants in Florence without reservation, and it’s just me and my wife. When I enter I ask if they have a table for two. The first thing they will ask you is if you have reservations. Obviously you will say no if you don’t. At that point they will ask you to wait a minute while they check if they can accomodate you, and in most cases they will tell you yes (maybe after a brief wait). Sometimes they will tell you they can’t, then you have to move on to another restaurant in that case. If you go to dine late (after 10pm) in most cases they will have seats available as some people leave early. Restaurants in Italy close at about midnight since Italians eat late. If you go early and you see that tables are empty so not assume they have seats available. When a table is booked is booked for the entire night. Many Italians go to dinner at 9pm and don’t leave until they close. Same for lunch (Italians eat between 1pm and 2pm, but restaurants close after 3 o 4pm till dinner when they reopen at 7 or 7:30pm.
When I’m done eating they will never bring you the check automatically. That is considered very bad service by Italian patrons. But I never ask for the check (“il conto”) either, otherwise you wait for your check forever sometimes. I do like all Italians do. Get off the table, walk to the exit and on the way out I stop at the cash register and pay. That’s what all Italians do, that way you don’t have to wait. When in Rome do what the Romans do.
Tips are not expected (Italians leave zero tips) and cannot be added to the credit card slip (there is a tax reason for that related to VAT). If it’s something that you feel obliged to do, as many Americans do, be ready to leave the tip in hard cash on the table. Just a few coins will do, not the ridiculous 20% we must leave in America nowadays. If you leave nothing that will be perfectly acceptable. When in Rome do as the Romans do.

Asking for a bill in any country is easy. You can raise your hand and make eye contact with the waiter and then make a writing motion on your palm. The waiter will usually nod. No need for the busy waiter to waste his time to come to your table for you to use your broken Italian to ask for the bill.

Forty years sgo, I was taught that the most important phrase to learn in any language is "where can I wash my hands?" which is a polite way to ask "where is the toilet?".

When you ask for a table for 2 people and you want to use your hands for clarification, use your thumb and forefinger to indicate the number 2. Not your first two fingers in a V like we do in the US.

If it’s for lunch and people are eating outdoors, and you see a busy waiter, motion to a table and ask “Va bene?” Is it good/okay to sit there?

Often I will ask them what is the local specialty that they recommend when I am considering what to order. Each recommendation has always been a good choice! And we laughed once when my husband was with me and ordered something in a small city, and the elderly lady told him, “No, he wanted something else she named and left the table without waiting for his response….and he loved her choice! ; ). Each region, sometimes each city has their own; I’m not coming to Italy for Americanized food. Which also means that it’s important to walk a few blocks away from the main touristy sites for a better food experience, usually.

When you are ordering, “Vorrei [point or say the word on the menu], per favore.” You don’t have to order something from each section. Quite often I order a pasta dish & insalata mista or pasta & a dolce.

It is wonderful to not be hounded to hurry and finish dinner in Italy!

Is the pay-at-the-counter the normal procedure for all levels of restaurant? I like that. Truly the patron gets to decide when they're ready to leave.

I'm too lazy to dig out my RS Italy guide, but wondering if it describes that in the book. If not, it should.

...make eye contact with the waiter and then make a writing motion on your palm..... I thought I was told or read somewhere that this is rude and bad form only used by US tourists. Where is Roberto????

interesting comments.....my question is, after living in Italy for 2 years, I seriously can't remember.......do ALL restaurants do the cash register thing? I remember out of our restaurants that we frequented, some were cash register and some were asking for the conto.....was it just because they didn't know what to do with us? or they thought we didn't know? I know one of our places had the register in the back and were amazed that we would ask for a pizza to go (yes, I know it diminishes the quality haha) but we kept doing it....I DO know that some they brought the conto to us, but we then took it to the register. The registers I remember most were in the back of the restaurants, I can picture 3 of them (2 in Florence and one in Salerno). I guess that's not something I decided to remember in my brain......

I try to watch how other people pay since it does vary. These methods are for outdoor eating - my preference. In several cities I’ve done the hand motion signing a bill, and they brought the receipt and were able to do Apple Pay at the table, or I was paying with cash. In Mantova, they brought a small receipt to the table, and I had to walk over into the physical restaurant to pay near the entrance. I have had a few rare ones at tiny lunch cafes where I had to tell the cashier what I ate - good practice for my limited pronunciations.

For coffee bars, I try to observe for a few minutes because they vary whether you pay first at the bar, or order first & pay at the same time, or if you pay afterwards.

Also, Google has a version where you use your camera to translate in real time. It can be a bit dicey but you should get the gist of what it is attempting to translate.

I rarely ask to bring the bill to the table when in Italy.
They will not bring the check to your table unless you explicitly ask for it. If they brought a check to an Italian patron without being explicitly asked, an argument would ensue, possibly a fist fight.
Italians nearly never ask to bring the check to the table, they pay at the cash register when they are done and ready to leave.
If you want the check at the table, they will bring it to you, but you have to ask the server to do so. To call their attention and specifically ask for a bill without even talk to the server use your hand mimicking a writing motion as if you are writing on an imaginary notebook in the air.
Often times the server will take his/her time before they actually bring it to your table, therefore the faster way is to just walk to the register and pay there. What’s the problem with that? Are you afraid they are going to arrest you for dine and dash? Don’t worry! Nobody goes to jail in Italy for dining and dashing. I’d be serving a life sentence if that were the case.

Thank you all for your suggestions and descriptions of Italian dining experiences. I've learned some useful phrases and will definitely be getting up from my table to pay for my meals at the cash register. I never would have guessed that one!

A bit of etiquette I learned in Cernobbio, 25 years ago, from my french employer. In Italy (or is all of Europe?), it is considered rude to sit at a restaurant table sideways, with your legs extended outside the table legs. Not just because a waiter could trip, but because you are taking up more space than is due you. A sign of being an “entitled” American.

Never would have realized this!

Since I go to dinner early, I have found that going when the restaurant opens, you are more likely to get in without reservation.