Flying In & Out of Rome, but will have a ~4-5day excursion. Looking for ideas

Certainly Bologna could fit the bill for both of you. There are numerous towns close by train. Maybe she would be okay with you heading to the Ferrari tour (or Lambourgini) when she has a cooking class in Bologna, or visiting more churches and historical sites. From there you could take a day or two into the Veneto highlands (wine country). They may be doing October harvest, which would be interesting...if you like wine. Modena, BTW, is known for its balsamic vinegar, and has historical sites of its own, so maybe a day doing independent 'stuff' could maintain marital bliss and give you something different to talk about over dinner.

I would think October is a less busy time in the tourist cities. The Bologna suggestion is good. Are you willing to do separate excursions some days? For example, Reggio Emila is a nice train trip from Bologna for her while you rev up your testosterone. You didn't mention Tuscany, where a car is a big help, and seldom a pain, as it is many other places. Orvieto is an obvious choice, but smaller places are easily accessible by car. And since you love to drive, the summer-crowded places further north in Tuscany are easy to reach. Why not check climate forecasts on the internet?

Edit: Note that the Venice Biennale art exhibition will still be open, if either of you has any interest.

so 2 months later and we still havent booked anything yet, but Im pretty set on staying in Florence for the 4 nights and taking 1 or 2 day trips out, one day to Modena to see the automotive stuff and then seeing what Florence has to offer.

I was trying to see other threads about where to stay, we dont have the huge budget that some others seem to have, so Im hoping that people have some good suggestions for regular folks (100-150/night ideally)

I also plan to rent a car for 2 days, so hopefully parking isnt a nightmare.

Thanks in advance for the suggestions

-Simon

Perhaps train to Bologna. After a day or 2 there you could train to Modena (and or other close by towns), or you could rent a car and drive. The Ferrari factory is quite a ways out of Modena (lots of free parking there). There is a Hetrz office in Bologna near the train station. Bologna has a wonderful historical center, which I suspect your wife will really like. If you fly home from Rome, you could either train back from the north or drop off your rental car at the airport.
Recommend looking at Booking.com for places to stay. The have hotels, b&bs, guesthouses and apartments listed. Typically, you can book a refundable room, typically with a 3-day cancellation policy.

hey hey simon
since you are still undecided i'll add another place near rome, 30 minute train ride to frascati. out in the countryside, the pope's summer home (castel gandolfo) and the gardens is located there, lake nemi, the town is known for wild strawberries grown there. read about it italymagazine.com/lake nemi and its wild berry, villas of noble aristocrats.
oldfrascati.com read about us and blog. walk around the village, stop at ceralli.it family owned bakery/pizza oven, nonna is 90 years old and still bakes, "best porchetta", pupazze pastry cakes, spend the night and enjoy evening dinner outside in piazza with others.
tibursuperbum.it under surroundings tells you more about frascati. has lots of information
italysbestrome.com/nemiboat talks about the lake and sunken treasures, ancient rome.
withlocals.com beautiful countryside day trip: castel romani. a guide takes you for a tour to the area.
booking.com castel gandolfo rent a hotel right on the lake. (hotel castel gondalfo or hotel castel vecchio) check for parking.
italyheaven.co.uk/calcata an old hill town that has transformed into a bohemian artist village with studios and cafes. lunch times and weekends are busy. an off the beaten path half day trip.
this is an area away from the hustle and bustle of rome, relax and enjoy the scenery. check for any festivals since it's harvest season and see some fall colors. off your grid of what you were thinking.
it will be a busy and crowded time, this will keep you away from the crowds you asked for.
have fun happy travels
aloha

If you have any "foodie" tendencies at all, the area around Bologna is perfect for a day-trip excursion for the big three: Parmagiano Reggiano, Balsamic Vinegar of Modena and Prosciutto (either Parma or Modena). We had a wonderful time with Italian Days several years ago. It's a long day, since the cheese factories need to start early, and kind of a splurge but definitely worthwhile. We stayed a couple of nights in Bologna in order to do the excursion and really enjoyed the area. We were sorry we hadn't planned an extra day to go to the Ferrari factory.

On another trip, we stayed in Rome for 3 nights and then headed to Umbria for several nights. We stayed overnight in Orvieto, because it was an easy train ride and a good place to pick up a rental car, and then spent 4 nights in Montefalco, taking some day trips around the area. It was late June/early July and fairly crowded with tourists, so we skipped Assissi and Perugia, sticking to smaller towns. We'd go back in a heartbeat!

Orvieto seems to be a very popular place. It has a quaint, medieval, hilltown like feel, but it is a city.

A sneek peek --
https://youtu.be/-_-YAqx90Pc

Hey Princess Pupule, great suggestions -- bookmarked! lol

I would rent a car and head to Umbria, staying in either Assisi or Spello. There are numerous interesting places to visit within easy driving distance and it has a religious element for your wife.

Without a car, I would head to Sorrento. The weather there should still be nice in October. That doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice in Umbria too, as the daily cooler weather usually arrives in November.