Conquering both jet lag and fear of flying, *and* travelling with kids?

I think everyone handles jet lag differently. I also think that whether or not to sleep on arrival depends on you and your time of arrival. If you are arriving in Italy early in the morning/day, then a nap might be best, especially if you need to sleep off some meds. Perhaps you can locate a park or something within a reasonable distance of where you're staying so if the kids are hyper on arrival, our husband can take them there to run for an hour or two while you sleep. The key is to get yourself on Italian time as soon as possible, but even within our home time-frames a nap is called for sometimes after an exhausting or stressful excursion. On my last trip to Amsterdam, my flight got in at 6:45 in the morning. I got to my room around 9 or so. I slept for 2 hours (setting my alarm so it wasn't longer) and then kept myself busy sightseeing (at a fairly relaxed pace- nothing too scheduled) until dark. I made myself stay up until 10 local time. I would try to keep the kids up late the night before you fly, make a big deal of it and let them watch movies or play a game. This might give you grouchy kids on travel day (sympathies) but might also help them to take a long nap on the flight so they are awake when you land. Hopefully it's a sunny day on arrival which will energize all of you. Plan a fun activity or activities designed to help you stay awake (no canal rides or easy motion rides that will put you to sleep!). You might consult with the kids' pediatrician on jet lag. He/She might have some helpful suggestions for transitioning the kids to a new time zone.

My sympathies in advance on the flying. I too hate to fly and fortunately, haven't had to resort (yet) to meds. But claustrophobia makes me insist on a window seat and I have to work hard to keep myself distracted to avoid panic while awake. Before a long flight I usually don't sleep the night before- just so I'll sleep through most of the flight.

Have a great get-a-way!
Lisa

We try to stay up and out of doors the day of arrival. If we need a nap (and we are old and sometimes we do after a long flight) we use an alarm and force ourselves to nap no more than 2 hours. It works best for us to stay up and in the sunlight, eat dinner and then head for bed shortly after if tired and by 10 pm or so if still pumped up. I take an ambien the first two nights because no matter how tired I am, I have trouble sleeping well when making the adjustment. The ambien assures that I get a long solid sleep and then we can get up at a reasonable hour -- 7 or so and hit the ground running. Before I did this, I would wake up at 2 am and not be able to sleep and doze off at 6 or so and have trouble getting onto a reasonable schedule.

Italy ia a particular problem because lots of things close down in early afternoon for a couple of hours. If you sleep in and get a slow start, you are raring to go about the time things are closing in many places. It is worth it to get on a decent schedule asap.

Since you have 60 days, it won't be a deal breaker if you sleep through day 1. The only problem is, you will still not have acclimated yourself to Italy time on day 2. I am afraid that you may end up prolonging the problem rather than helping. The flight from JFK to anywhere in Italy will likely be longer than 8 hours, so you should be able to get some sleep on the plane. If you pace yourself on days 1-3, you can still do a little sightseeing and get the sleep you need. Try to force yourself and the children to go as long as you can. An alternative might be to fly to JFK the day before the overnight trip to Italy. At least you can get 3 hours of jet lag out of the way on day 1.

As for the plane itself, the plane from CA to JFK will likely be a decent size plane. A window seat may help with anxiety this leg or not. It depends on whether you have anxiety from the act of flying or from being in an enclosed space. From JFK to Italy will be a very large plane, so claustrophobia will be minimized, relatively speaking. You might want to get a window seat, Xanax, eye covers and ear plugs and go straight to sleep on that leg. The problem coming from the West coast - you probably won't be very sleepy!

Good luck!

If you can, try to get used to the time difference at home. To do so, a week or two prior to travel, start getting up before 4 am, and obviously go to bed much earlier.
I avoid flying from Cal. To Europe via the east coast, also because they arrive early in the morning.
If you get used to going to bed early (like 8pm) as I mentioned, you might be able to sleep a bit on the segment from JFK to Italy. Otherwise a nap after lunch (Italy time) is the way to go. Make sure you set the alarm for a couple hours later.
To try to stay awake it's easier if you stay outdoors in the sun. Our body clock is regulated by light.
Regarding your fear of flying, I heard a segment on the radio (NPR) where there are programs to win that fear. Generally they entail learning about the technical mechanics of flight, learning what the airplane's strange noises are, etc. There is actually a pilot answering those questions. When I first started flying, decades ago, I was a bit apprehensive, and the source of that apprehension was exactly the unfamiliar noises the airplane makes occasionally (the flaps, the deployment of landing equipment, the wind drag on the wheels, etc) and of course the occasional strong turbulence. But I took the time to learn the technical aspects of flying and I quickly got rid of any anxiety. It helps if you fly with someone who is experienced and can explain to you those things.

The challenge will be to get everyone into the same sleep sync as soon as possible. The kids will probably sleep in the plane, so whatever you do should be based on what you can get them to do--in a perfect scenario.

As for napping--and I'm a lightly drugged flier--we've found it makes no difference for us. Sometimes we'll catch 2 hours after lunch or in the morning, sometimes we'll go straight through until 9 p.m. We've been doing it for forty years and it's gotten easier and easier.

You do have an extra challenge coming from the west coast. Frankly, it is probably too hard to plan in advance what you will do, as there are too many variables, and in reality, there are no rules of what works best. Everyone is different and everyone has different circumstances.
Enjoy.

Edit: I agree with Roberto about both learning about the plane and adjusting your sleep while still in CA. I did this once when I had to fly to LA for only a week while living in Paris, and found the bed at 8 p.m. and up at 4 a.m. schedule really helped. I also found a book called "From Take Off to Landing" helped.

My daughter is terrified to fly - not just a little bit....a whole lot. It's been a big problem for her. Her doctor recommended she take a Xanax and a Dramamine - that seems to calm her down and put her out. On these long flights, she doesn't seem to have a problem with it when she lands.

As soon as you can after boarding, try to stop thinking of Pacific Time as "our time; the new "our time" is Italian time. I set my watch to local destination time as soon as boarding begins.

As others have said, if you lose some of the first day by napping (you have a group to get on the same wavelength), you've got plenty of time to recover. I would try to eat lightly that first day and spend some time in parks where the kids can run around a little after being confined for a long trip.

What city are you flying into?

If your flight plans are not already cast in stone I would suggest timing your arrival for early evening. On my last few trips from SFO to Italy, I arrived around 6 or 7 PM and that worked really well. By the time I found my hotel, grabbed some dinner, and took a short walk, it was time for bed. And since I can't sleep on planes, I was so exhausted I had no trouble going to sleep. With this schedule, I found that I woke the next morning feeling really good.

I had always followed everyone's advice to get out, get sunshine, etc. but last August I flew in to Heathrow, arrived about 2:30PM to my hotel in rainy weather. I was really fatigued so against my better judgement I took a nap. Woke up about 7PM, drank some water, ate a Clif bar, looked at the downpour outside and went back to sleep until the next morning. I was so surprise that altho I had wasted an afternoon, I felt great the next morning and did not feel jet lagged at all.

Leaving from home I usually have 2 or 3 flights to my destination plus hours of layovers along the way, so it is wearing.

Do what you think will work best at the time. I do suggest having some snacks and water or juice available for the kids in case they wake up at a weird time during the night and are hungry. Put them where they can find them without having to wake everyone up. Breakfast in Europe is never early enough for me, lol! Even after I've adjusted to the time!

Carry snacks! If you or the kids wake up hungry at 3 a.m. Italy time (dinner California time) it's a lot better to have something on hand. (I like granola bars.) With 60 days, you can afford to spend one or two getting acclimated. Have a great trip!!

Good for you! Many of us have been through this, so we appreciate what it takes to do this. You probably won't know until you land how much meds will still be affecting you. Coming from the west coast we always feel slightly out of it, whether we've taken sleep aides or not. For us, and we're seniors, we try to stay awake at least until 9 p.m. The minute we get off the plane, we assume the local time as ours, no looking back. We try not to do anything too complicated, just keep moving. We travel with snacks and a tiny flashlight as there is nothing worse than waking up in the middle of the night, disoriented and not being able to see anything.

Have a fun trip! BTW, what city is your arrival city?

tc,

A few thoughts and comments.....

• Jet Lag - What time does your flight arrive, and what is your arrival city? Everyone handles that differently and you may just have to wait and see what works best for you. I'm assuming this is your first trip abroad? I've tried the "stay out in the sunshine" method, but that only seems to be marginally effective for me, and I usually have to take a power nap at some point. I also live on the west coast and find that I typically have a quick adjustment (a day or two) on the trip to Europe, but a longer adjustment (about a week) on the trip home. It will help if you can stay awake until about 21:00 (with or without a nap) and then have a good nights sleep.
• Travelling with two 10-year-olds - that will indeed be a challenge. You might pack along some games or whatever to keep the kids busy if you want to have a short nap.
• Fear of flying - if you haven't already, I'd suggest contacting your family Physician for help with that. He/she may know of some type of program in your area that can offer help. I've seen some programs that provide treatment by taking people suffering this condition on shorter flights (ie: LA to Las Vegas) with a therapist who can deal with the source of their anxiety during the flight. The treatment often includes some form of cognitive behaviour therapy along with education on the flight process. This can of course also be provided in an office setting. I'm always a bit nervous when flying and try to keep in mind all the usual platitudes about "statistically how safe flying is". Even though I may be nervous, I'm usually so excited to actually be going somewhere incredible, and that tends to minimize the anxiety. I never seem to be able to sleep on flights, but do take short naps. As you plan to sleep, a window seat will be better as that will provide something to lean against. The airlines usually supply small pillows and a blanket, or you can take your own travel pillow.

When is this trip taking place?

Wow, what a LOT of great responses! Thanks everyone. I think the tip about sunshine will be a big help, and maybe we'll shoot for a short afternoon "quiet time/nap", to ease into it.

Since people asked, here are the missing details of our trip:
- Flying from San Diego to Milan, Italy, layover @JFK
- Morning departure and arrival, unfortunately. Flights already locked in, mid-June departure.
- Small spaces are no problem; it's all about the turbulence, and to a lesser degree, banking (some sort of inner ear thing). Best thing for me is to be knocked out.
- Not sure it was asked, but I'm 50, wife is 44, kids are 13, 10, and 10.
- Not actually my first trip abroad, just the longest total flight, by far.
- Fortunately the kids are SUPER excited, and are experienced fliers & travelers. They'll be easier to deal with than I will be... :)
- I use the audio program "Go Getter, Jet Setter," which helps quite a bit. It's not perfect, but it helps me get calm & zone out. The primary thing I try to do is imagine I'm on a bus, and the bumps are just like being on a road.

As you can imagine, 60 days in Europe is a trip of a lifetime, so I'm going to do whatever it takes. We plan to travel around northern Italy for ~10 days, then head to Austria & Munich for a few more. From there we'll fly to Barcelona and rent a flat for a month. Last we'll travel north through France to "BeNeLux", before heading back to Milan for the return. Might hit a few other countries in the process. I have a LOT of planning to do! Thanks again everyone!

Probably you know this, but jet lag is a lag between your internal circadian clock and the actual time. I know of 3 ways to reset the clock. I use them all.

They are (1) diet, (2) controlled exposure to light, and (3) melatonin. You can start a few days before departure so that your clock is partially reset when you leave.

Also morning caffeine nudges your clock in the wrong direction for eastbound travel, so cold turkey on tea and coffee the week before you leave.

You have other considerations that will trump jet-lag mitigation, but maybe there are still some steps you and your family can take to reduce the adaptation period in Italy.

My strategy going to Europe to conquer jet lag...also coming from CA...
Don't try to see anything of interest the first day. With three kids, go to a park, walk around, feed ducks, and generally stay outside!
Around 3 or 4 in the afternoon have "dinner", go to your hotel, and go to sleep. I try to be in bed no later than 6 or 7 the day I arrive. If I have stayed awake through the flight and during the first day there I'll completely pass out and not wake up. By the next morning I am completely fine and ready to go.
As for a fear of flying, I completely understand. I know that this fear is sometimes not rational but I always think about the statistics...it's safer to fly than to drive to the grocery store! I also know that the pilots don't want to die any more than I do and will do everything they can to make the flight safe!
We also go to Europe for extended periods of time, so being in a bleary-eyed stupor for the first day or two is completely OK and worth it to make the rest of the trip a success.
Have a great time!

I do understand the fear thing as well. I heard something interesting during the news discussions of the last Air Asia incident and I do not know if is it true or not. I suspect there are many here with aeronautical experience who will know, but one of the consultants on ABC I think, said that planes don't crash because of turbulence. I had never heard anyone say that before and I am going to choose to believe that statement, lol. He said the planes are built to withstand turbulence so there is usually another issue. All of which may make you feel more or less bad!

You've gotten a lot of great advice, and it sounds like you are as prepared as you can be. Here are my anecdotal stories:

We live two time zones west of my parents. When taking my daughter to visit out east, she would have a difficult time with the time zone change, and would basically never adjust - she would stay up late playing cards and puzzles with my parents, then sleep in late.

So I was worried about her first Europe trip, when she was 10yo. On the long flight over (direct to Frankfurt), she slept fitfully, as we always do. During the layover in Frankfurt, she was chipper, while husband and I slumped groggily in our seats. And by the time we arrived in Venice later that day, she was still bright and lively, and stayed that way until we all went to bed at about 10 pm.

So you never can tell how someone will cope. And enjoy your trip!

Tc,

What an amazing trip you're planning for your family!

You've received very sound advise here so I will only add a few tips.

• Make sure you have lots of activities for your children in case flight is delayed, etc...

• Travel light-- (perhaps one carry-on per person)- you can always do
  laundry there.

• If you need a couple of hours to nap when you arrive then go ahead & nap.

• Have a fantastic trip!!!

this summer I read some stuff about ginger helping with jet lag. I did not try it....but that's a benign enuf thing to dose kids with too......or REAL ginger ale.......anyone else here try that?

You have to be a fearful flyer like me to know that any rationalization of the infinitely small risk of crashing is not going to help. For forty years my work has demanded that I make two to six international trips a year, mostly to Asia which is a 24 hour tip. Obviously the way to avoid being too out of sorts when you arrive is to sleep on the plane. Xanax/Valium, Dramamine and booze (NOT Recommended) have been my method. I've been recommending Dramamine for years. I'm glad to see that others agree.

Whatever you do, don't go to bed when you arrive. If you can't stay awake, take a short nap sitting up in a chair.

There is a lot of stuff to do on the inflight entertainment system and I've seen kids the age of yours play games and watch movies for 12 hours. This problem I have no experience with.

If I am really exhausted when I arrive and am trying to stay awake I will usually nap outside. Try to find a park or a bench and just take a little snooze. It can revive you for quite some time. If I were to go to bed, even with an alarm, I would sleep about 8 hours and then awaken in the middle of the night ready to go.

I've just recently returned from a family trip to Rome. My advice: don't get in bed, just rest your eyes for 30 minutes or so in a chair on the first day you arrive! Then get up and completely be in the new time zone, having you and your children go to bed at your normal times. As for the fear of flying, I can understand. After many international flights being so fearful that I could barely breath, much less eat, watch a movie, or even maintain a normal conversation, my doctor prescribed Xanax. I had never taken anything like this before, I don't even like taking Ibuprofen. But, I can honestly say, it worked like a charm. I will never ever fly again without Xanax. I even fell asleep for an hour or two, which is unheard for me. Sounds like a wonderful trip! Wishing you and your family much happiness on your travel adventure :)

I feel your pain, down deep I am a very fearful flyer too. I have made about 10 of these long trips in my life and I try to take a very low dose Xanax the night before the flight and before I get to the airport as to not start the whole process of anxiety. I also keep myself really busy on the plane with magazine, books and all the movies they show and some how it has kept me sane and actually enjoy my trips. Good luck to you! Despite how it seems so unnatural it really is the safest form of travel. The trip to the airport is more dangerous.