Help! College daughter wants to go to Berlin and Prague alone! Very Worried!!!

She's 21. She is an adult and unless she has some diminished capacity due to mental health issues, on my book a 21 y.o. person, male or female, is perfectly able of travelling alone.

Both cities are full of tourists that don't speak the local language. Millions of them, every year, many of them also young people.

If your daughter knows how to take care of herself in US, as I assume she does, there is no reason she wouldn't be able to take care of herself in places like Berlin or Praha.

If she can't take care of herself in US, then there are bigger issues at hand, and I obviously cannot speak of them.

It appears you have insecurities regarding her own judgment calls on alcohol. If that is the issue, then you need to discuss this with your daughter, but not because she's travelling. She's old enough to drink in US as well, and bad alcohol-consumption judgment calls can be problematic on both sides of the Atlantic anyway.

I agree with Andre. 21 is an adult (by 3 years!). There are thousands of 21-year-olds travelling round Berlin and Prague at any time. If she wants to go to clubs and hear music (and get drunk), she will also do that while studying in England.

Yeah, I'm not so worried about England because she will make friends with classmates and probably go out with them. In Berlin and Prague, she won't know anyone.

I spent my 21st birthday alone in Prague. It took me 24 hours to get there by train (also alone). Best birthday ever!

If you fight against her on this, she will resent you. She is 21; she is an adult. Let her have her fun!

Indeed, I want her to have fun and for this travel to be a growing experience for her. I don't intend to fight against her. But as her Mom it's my job to worry! :-)

When our twin sons were 19 1/2 we gave them a 10 day trip on their own to Europe, after their freshman year (one was in Drexel's 5 year co-op program, and this would be his only free quarter). Told them to pick 2 destinations. They chose Berlin and Amsterdam. They did fine. Granted they were together, but they also are quite capable of egging each other on. If she can do semester abroad (and for that matter the other twin did spring 3rd year in St Petersburg, including a spring break trip to Istanbul). Relax and let her live. The fact that her parents have traveled extensively is a great big plus as you can help advise her on all the traps and pitfalls, show her how best to make travel and lodging arrangements, and also presumably set her up with the necessary bank and ATM cards

I get you, I would feel the exact same way (my daughter turns 21 next week) however, I don't think there is anything anyone can say that will stop you from worrying, nor should you, that's what we Moms do! I would suggest looking into a phone plan for her, tell her your fears and ask that she check in regularly to ease your fears (that doesn't mean everyday!). Also if she could either email you, leave a note behind, or atleast inform someone when going out on the town, if things do go a miss, atleast you know where to begin checking into her where abouts (this is a worst cases scenario) I would hate to deal with this,but deal with it you must! And we thought it was tough worrying about them when they were six...

The first time I went to Europe I went alone. It was 1977-78 and I was 31. My mother still worried about her adult daughter traveling alone anywhere, much less Europe. It's a parent thing.

I could have done it at 21 except for the money part. It took me 10 years to save enough to go for as long as I wanted. Your daughter is very fortunate to be able to go at the time most students or recent graduates go.

With no Schengen back then, I went for 4 months, traveled by train, stayed primarily in hostels and used traveler's checks. The hostels were great for meeting others and learning from them, most of whom were in their early 20's. We not only went out with each other, some of us traveled on to other places with each other.

Four months was actually longer than I expected my money to last, even though I'm sure I lost money with all money changing (11+ currencies). I started heading home as my money started to get low and flew home with money left over.

English wasn't as commonly spoken back then as it is now, but somehow I managed. She will find English much more commonly spoken, so I don't think you should worry too much about the language thing.

Of course, there were no mobile phones back then and making a call to the US required a special place to do it, like a post office. I sent postcards home.

Now, with all the methods of communication, you and your daughter should be able to keep up with each other very easily.

I'd never heard of a money belt back then, but I did use a very small crossbody wallet purse under a jacket. And before anyone says anything about pickpockets, I saw plenty of them plying their trade just like they do today. I may have been naive or smart or well-prepared, but I neither felt unsafe nor scared, and nothing bad happened to me.

So long as she follows the common safety advice about money belts and being aware of her surroundings she should be okay. It sounds like she already has some practice from traveling with her parents. She will get more practice at that while she's in England.

And while she's there you both will learn how much communication between each other is the right amount to allow her freedom and allay your fears.

My two cents: I wish I had taken advantage of the opportunity to travel at her age - alone or with someone. I didn't start traveling until my 30s and regret I waited so long. The world offers so many amazing things to see and opportunities to expand your knowledge - and at 21 you don't have a mortgage to worry about. Please remember there is risk traveling anywhere - even when she is home in the USA (no offense to my friends to the south, but the CA freeways are terrifying!). She's going to make mistakes at home and abroad - it is just how life goes. I would not worry about language barrier - in her age bracket it is very easy to find an English-speaker. Other than that, ask her to send photos and enjoy her adventures vicariously. She will appreciate your support more than your worry.

Hi,

She doesn't need to know anyone in Berlin, which is a huge student city. There's the Tech Uni and Freie Uni in the western part of the city. Tech Uni has a cafeteria (Mensa) open to the public at lunch. I was there a couple years ago. In the eastern part there's Humboldt Uni rignt in a touristed visited area, Unter den Linden down from the Brandenburg Gate.

My first time visiting Berlin (West) was in 1971 and I was 21, went there solo, just another backpacking American college student. Your daughter has a lot more travel experience behind her than I did at 21. Your daughter doesn't speak German, no problem, esp in Berlin. True, staying in hostels you'll meet Americans and other nationalities too. I suggest the private independent hostels.

TravelMom,

I can well appreciate your concerns as I 'm also a parent. Although my sons are all over 30, I still worry about them.

As she's 21 and legally an adult, your options are probably limited. There are never any guarantees, but in all likelihood she'll have a wonderful time without any problems. However, a few things that may minimize any potential problems......

• It may be easier for you if she travels with a cell phone and sends at least a text message every day to let you know that "all's well".
• It will also help if she provides a list of the places she'll be staying.
• I'd also suggest looking at HI Hostels as they're well managed and not as much of a "party palace".
• I'm sure she already knows this, but it's not a good idea to leave drinks unattended (ie: when dancing), in case someone "slips her a Mickey". That's a good practice to follow anywhere.
• Having well planned transportation links will help to avoid any problems in that area.
• Although she doesn't "speak the language", many of the people she's dealing with will be able to speak some degree of English.

Good luck!

What is she going to do in Europe that she can’t do back home?

There is no difference, she can get drunk, have sex, stay out late, party like there’s no tomorrow, go to museums, art galleries, cultural events – all the same things she can do at home.

Let her go, she has a phone, she’ll call if she’s in trouble just like she would do at home.

You lying awake at night getting ulcers worrying about things that may never happen doesn’t help. In the event something does happen you need to have your wits about you and you’ll only have them by being well rested.

Take a deep breath, kiss her goodbye and wish her well. She’ll come back with lots of stories to share with you and lots that you don’t need to know about but will keep her friends entertained.

PS: I have kids too (son & daughter) and had the same concerns when they went to Europe and they survived. Maybe it was because when I was their age I went to Europe initially for six months and stayed three and a half years – and I knew what they would be getting up to.

I think it's mostly fear of unknown. In reality Berlin and Prague are much safer than any American big city. Both are heavily visited by foreigners so English is practically second language in both. Both cities have a lot of nightlife, bars, Prague has one of the best beers in the world and incredibly cheap. Legal age for drinking in both cities is 18 years.

If she is spending time studying abroad in England, she will have already had her fair share of drinking nights. Berlin and Prague aren't going to be new experiences for her going out. This is the biggest problem with the US drinking laws. Delayed adulthood.

By the time someone is 21, either they are going to be ok traveling or not and if not, they will get into as much trouble at home as abroad. Do you feel ok with her now at college? If so, then she will be ok no matter where she goes. If you don't feel ok, then there is not a lot you can do. She is an adult, not a child, not a teenager. Let her be, recognize her adulthood. There are women her age that already have 3 years military experience and deployments on their CV and you are worried about her going to a bar in Berlin by herself?

First of all, maybe she will meet someone to travel with between now and June. When she starts sharing her travel plans, others may be quick to want to join. Let's hope for that.

We know she's not going to worry, because we didn't at that age. Didn't we all think we were invincible? And we were fine, because we kept our wits about us and managed to ge through situations (some we were happier our parents didn't know about). So, it is really about your piece of mind. And, I sympathize as I had a daughter study/live and in general bounce around Europe. Will she understand if you make it about your peace of mind and not her judgement? What will give you peace of mind? A quick text once a day, once every two days? Where she is staying? When she changes locations?

Good luck and know you're not alone.

Legal age for drinking in both cities is 18 years.

For beer and wine it's 16 in Germany.
BTW: when Interrail started the upper age limit was 21. I did a 2 month Interrail trip to Marocco when I was 16, and we didn't have smartphones, eMail and Skype to stay in contact with our parents. I think I wrote a single postcard in these 2 months, lol.
Travelling teenagers are considered completely normal in Europe ( I will never forget that train from Sweden in Vienna, with hundreds (OK, maybe I exaggerate) of blonde, hot Swedish girls who were Interrailers just like me), and at 21 people should know what they do. Either they are responsible adults or not.

Can't stop you from worrying, but suggest she look at Lonely Planet's website or guidebook.

She may meet someone while studying who can travel with her for part of her solo trip, or not.

As you said, you can't stop her or control her activities. Most people who go to Europe come back with great experiences, safe and happy.

The dangers are real - as general dangers of travelling. And in that regard it doesn't matter whether your daughter is in England or Berlin or in the States, whether she's with friends or alone. And with dangers I mean the stuff that happens to young and old alike, i.e. pickpocketing and the like. We hear of that again and again, fortunately far less often do we hear of violent incidents happening to travellers.

My 19 year old daughter is doing an internship in Hamburg, Germany, right now. Staying with an old school friend of mine, working during the day, going clubbing with friends on the weekend, visiting relatives. And she speaks the language (that even got her a cover charge waiver to get into a club for free as a translator for her non-German speaking friends). Pretty safe environment you might say. And yet, she got pick pocketed in a club while dancing on her second night out. Nothing "dangerous" but extremely annoying to her to loose her wallet and her iPhone. She shouldn't have taken all that stuff to a club, an expensive lesson she's paid and will remember. The thief wasn't too happy either as there was little cash, he couldn't use the visa (we know he tried unsuccessfully) nor the iPhone which was rendered useless by the "kill switch" ....

That's the kind of thing most young people go through to some extend to develop life experience. Yes, we can advice them but there is only so much advice they listen to. For a young girl, just tell her not to take a purse to a club, just her ID in her bra and a bit of cash in her front pant pocket. It's up to her to listen - or not. And whatever she leaves behind in a hostel she should make sure it's locked up. There is more stuff stolen there than anywhere else :-(

I understand totally - but it sounds like your daughter does have a plan and she probably will meet other young women to join up with. So , like all of us moms and dad of young adults you can only warn and then pray!
and I agree with an earlier writer - it is so much harder being a parent of a college age kid than of a young one!

I did a study abroad semester, when I was 19, in Salzburg, Austria. We traveled in pairs or groups on weekends, sometimes planned trips, sometimes spontaneous. By the time the semester ended, we had all either made plans with other kids to travel together, or went our separate ways. Kids have a way of working these things out among themselves. But as a parent, I would worry a little, too.

I did a summer abroad program between my Freshman and Sophmore year in college in Germany. I didn't know any one going on the program. I had to make it from Indiana (via Columbus OH) to Frankfurt to Heidelburg by myself to meet up with the rest of the class. I am sure my parents were having kittens, but they put on their brave faces and encouraged me to go. Most weekends I travelled with my classmates that I met on the trip, but I did make a solo trip from Berlin (the second half of the program) to Stockholm (17 hours one way). I also had to make it back to Frankfurt from Berlin by myself. I am glad that my parents encouraged me to explore and travel. There were so many life lessons I learned on that trip. It gave me confidence to be able to travel into another country where English was not the first language and get where I needed to go and get there on time. Even when things went wrong, I still learned.

That said right before graduating from High School, my mom said something to one of my friends moms that I will never forget. She said, "we have raised them for 18 years to the best our ability, and now it is time to trust them to make the right decisions." That was a moment of oh wow for me.

There really isn't anything that we can say so you will not worry, but please have the confidance on how your brought your child up to know that she will be ok!