The Bonjour Effect works like Magic

Absolutely. The "ugly American" of travel lore is invariably the same person who asks, "how much is this?" and wonders why "nobody here speaks English." At the very least learn how to say, "Do you speak English?", "please" and "thank you" in the language of wherever you are going. Recognize that YOU are the one who failed to learn a language, not the poor worker.

My 0.02 is that the French are proud rather than rude. Proud of their culture and their language and, to a lesser degree, their ability to speak your language. If an English speaking tourist shows respect to French culture by making an effort, I found most French people are happy to help you out. Psychologically, you have put yourself on their level or even given them a bit of the upper hand.

I agree it is unacceptable to start speaking in English and expecting a courteous response. That is essentially the tourist asserting cultural dominance and expecting the other person to engage on their terms. That is clearly rude.

But taking the ugly American off the table, I noticed a different response depending on whether I tried to get the encounter started in my terrible French versus just asking "Bonjour, madame. Parlez-vous anglais?" If I tried to converse in French, everyone seemed more than happy to jump in and bail me out after a few clumsy sentences. With "Parlez-vous anglais?", I found the French to still be accommodating, but often seemed a bit less confident about their English. It felt like there was a psychological difference between letting them show how well they speak English versus asking them if they speak English and (unintentionally) putting them on the spot like it is a test. I know I start slipping into "Parlez-vous anglais?" mode as my brain gets tired of trying to come up with the correct phrase, but would love to get to the point where I can avoid it.

A long time ago, I read an article in which it was suggested that, after the greeting, the key phrase to getting help is to say "j'ai un probléme". That is, that people have a natural tendency to want to help someone with a problem, rather than wondering what you're going to spring on them.

problème not probléme

and saying "Si on parlait en anglais?" is more hip (branché) than " parlez vous l'anglais "

. . . and the French enjoy correcting your mistakes.🙂

It goes both ways, correct the French when they make mistakes in English.

One thing I learned from traveling the world-- as long as you can make yourself understood people forgive the errors.

Except the French. (Just kidding..?)

Agree with all of the above. The French do not deserve their reputation.

However, I will say this. You can do everything in reasonably acceptable fashion interacting in France, and on occasion you might randomly draw a French person who is a flaming expletive in a special French way. There are jerky people everywhere of course. But the level to which a jerky French person might push the contempt, anger and belittlement can be very intense, to the point of being cartoonish. I'm not sure why this is. In the US you'd act like that and catch the wrong recipient eventually and be picking up your teeth or worse, but apparently not France. Maybe that's it.

But in any case, outward hatred has been pointed at me a couple of times in France in my more recent travels. One supermarket checker just going off like a psychotic. Everything else polite and correct, but I'd not used the order divider on the belt. There was no one in line, and she scanned the last item in the order in front of me as I put a carton of yogurt on the back of the belt. There was slamming about with the divider, sharp words, and then a wild dressing down and dramatic pantomime of my idiocy through every stage of the rest of the transaction. I sheepishly deescalated as best I could for a while, then went neutral-faced indifferent, like okay lady, let' wrap this up. When I did that, she loudly and dramatically called the store security guard over the PA system, who then stood close by and glowered at me as she continued with my spit roasting.

I get along with people well, and nothing like this has ever happened to me in Europe except on rare occasion in France, and the spirit/attitude of the thing was similar. Maybe I'm just lucky? This is out of thousands of interactions with French people that have gone perfectly fine and often really nicely. But I must acknowledge that a few times French people have been consummately mean to me in a grotesquely stereotypical way.

Bonjour is not just for France. Civility and courteous behavior is good to strive for in all settings, both France and anywhere travel, or anywhere you live.
Alas, we are not at that point anymore.

problème not probléme

I do appreciate the distinction, but don't know how to make the accent grave on my keyboard.

I do appreciate the distinction, but don't know how to make the accent grave on my keyboard.

If using windows press alt + 0232 for è. That has been around since 2005 as far as a can remember.

Civility and courteous behavior is good to strive for in all settings...anywhere.

Very true, and the magical effect works in the U.S. also. Try greeting the sales clerk, coffee shop worker, wait staff, and etc. with a smile and "Good Morning" or such, and watch the difference. I could be wrong, but I don't think it's just a "southern thing".

saying "Si on parlait en anglais?" is more hip (branché) than " parlez vous l'anglais "

But that creates the paradox of being hip enough to know to ask it that way but still come across as clueless enough to merit their pity.

And it’s “une problème” not “un”… lol.

No, it is un since problème is masculine noun
I just know this by rote the way a baby learns.

I just realized my mistake and came back to delete but you are FAST AI.

@stan It's J'ai un petit problème. Keep the "petite" so the other person doesn't stiffen with dread that you may be about to ask for more than they can handle. I got it from one of Polly Platt's books, published fifty years ago, but still an authority on navigating a new society.

@Hank. So sorry to respond to you again, but good grief I can't imagine. I've been around here for almost fifty years, my husband over 70, and we've never had a clerk go balistic--that I can remember. A doctor threw me out of his office in 1979 because I dared ask a question about the consultation price. Did you have any idea what imaginary line you crossed in her book? Did you understand anything about the situation? She called security!! Good grief How awful.

Hank. Where was your incident in France?

I have gotten attitude in Paris but nowhere else in France.

I am quick to say bonjour and then do the best I can. But if a store clerk gave me that kind of attitude I'd just walk out. Let them put the stuff back on the shelf and void everything. The security people can't force you to buy something.

the bonjour effect takes place in every country, always learn a few words and phrases and pantomime the rest. I believe it's Rick who said you are allowed to revert to the communication level of a 5 year old, point and say please and thank you.

I’m with you, Frank. I wouldn’t have put up with that cashier’s attitude for one second. There are grocery stores all over the city...surely another one was close by?

Frank, Happy thanks for the sympathy :). In retrospect I wish I'd done just as you suggest. But in the moment I was sort of not believing how she was acting, and then okay maybe she's done, and then alright this is almost over.

It was at the Beaune Carrefour. Definitely don't want to besmirch Beaune is a terrific tourist town - just big enough to stay novel, beautiful buildings, many good restaurants, cheery convivial scene, particularly in the evening, interesting tourist sites. If you like wine it's a great time.

In general and to the OP's point, the correct niceties pitched in the right tone go a really long way. Particularly in France but really everywhere.

On a different note, I usually leave off the "monsieur" in my greetings, and tend to only say monsieur when totally necessary. I'm not flummoxed by foreign language in general, but with monsieur I get up in my head. Hard for me to keep "sh" out of the middle of the word. And I wish I'd never seen it written. Muh-syour? That about the best I can do, but I gaffe it for some reason every 3rd time ...

I have never found, for one second, people in France as rude. That is a false rumor perpetuated by people who don't want to try to speak one word of the native language in the country they have been welcomed to. Those same people generally want change given in their native currency, want everyone to speak English & complain it's "not like home" which makes me wonder why they bother to travel. I rented an apartment in Paris for 23 ngts & chatted daily with a women who sat by window - she did not speak a word of English & my French is terrible, yet we chatted daily. While there the I had a problem with the toilet & knocked on the concierge's door. I tried my best to explain the problem in my broken French. I cracked the concierge up when I said the toilet kept marching when I was trying to say running. She dropped by every other day afterwards to make sure everything was OK. When I was waiting a long time for the owner to show up with the keys to an apt in Avignon, an elderly gentleman came over & did his best to reach the landlord for me on his cell (I didn't have one). He then left on his bike for the market & came roaring back approx 15 mins later on his bike, phone in hand, calling "Madame telephone pour vous". I also had a nice man carry my bag up the stairs in the Metro (no escalator). I have had some fantastic experiences in France that I will never forget and am so thankful for. I adore all of France and its people.

Hank, I know that Carrefour. I shopped at the Casino market a short distance away. No problems.

The clerk was either having a bad day or was fed up with tourists.

The only surly people I met in Beaune were those operating the tram tour.

Gail, i wholeheartedly agree with you!

Totally agree that “bonjour” is magical. A few French words and a smile go a long way in improving international relations! Another tip, don’t walk into a store and start touching stuff. Slow down and ask for assistance.

Yes, almost everyone we spoke to was kind and polite while we were in France. Of course, when I got back to the states I had a hard time getting out of the habit of "Bonjour" and "Merci" and "Pardon."

I’ve found the French to be very kind and patient with my elementary pronunciations and very helpful to me when I have asked a question humbly. Bonjour (as Buongiorno in Italy) are respectful acknowledgment that we are visitors, and it is their country.

I like your interpretation, Jean "respectful acknowledgment that we are visitors, and it is their country."

In fact, this applies to locals as well as visitors. It's an acknowledgement of the other person, that this person exists, and you respect each other. And it's said looking at the other person. It's ingrained. It's social grease that keeps things flowing smoothly.

Just this week I heard a homeless man say Merci Madame after receiving a coin from a lady.

Not saying bonjour, au revoir, merci. is not only rude but it rubs the other person the wrong way, is offputting. Nowadays, people don't always add madame or monsieur and it passes muster just fine.

On the other hand, I witnessed my husband, raised in France, call out "Good morning" to everyone in a doctor's waiting room in the US. Or he'd call out goodbye to everyone. Didn't work too well in the US, though it's done in France.

I was in a shop in the Marais few years ago and stuck up a conversation (in English) with the shop owner (male) as my wife and daughters shopped. I asked him about the 'bonjour' and 'au revoir' custom when entering and leaving a shop. His answer 'it makes the world feel like a neighborhood rather a commercial exchange'. I love that and the custom itself. I have been lucky enough to go to France on multiple occasions and found the majority of people to be welcoming and warm whether in Paris or the country side. I give them high marks for having the ability to speak multiple languages and having the patience to do so.