Dining Well & Senior Appetite Accommodation

Some old-fashioned restaurants might still be annoyed if you share every single course, but for example: ordering just 1 main course each & sharing a dessert OR an appetizer, or even just sticking with a main course, or ordering a second appetizer as a main,... that's all fair game as long as the restaurant offers à la carte dining. Some places, especially towards the high-end, are menu-only and could be trickier. They are a tiny minority though.

And in the cities, there is a trend towards small-plates restaurants, geared towards sharing. Perfect for small appetites - large appetites run large bills!

People are expected to order a plat each; sharing other items is not unusual.

We are the same regarding appetites, and had no problem ordering small on our recent trip to France. Rather than asking in advance if we can share each course, we simply each order what we want and possibly trade plates. For example, I would order a salad and dessert, or two appetizers, and my husband only a main. Possibly when you asked that restaurant your question they envisioned having to bring out extra plates to divide each course tableside for you. Also a thought, if you go to a fancy restaurant, the portion sizes may be smaller so you will be fine. Our main goal was/is to fit in, so they don't think we are high maintenance Americans.

Our appetites are reduced with age, too, so we order only two main dishes and a couple of glasses of wine. Nobody has to order first courses or dessert. That way the service for the waiter remains balanced, you aren't splitting a bunch of plates and causing extra work, but you have a meal. My husband will order a dessert, while I order a coffee
We eat our large meal of the day at lunch.

FYI an entrée in French is the first course or the entry into the meal. To avoid confusion because we're a bilingual family, we took to saying first course, main course. Otherwise, nobody could understand what course we were eating when.

In case you are not aware, many French restaurants have 2- or 3- course lunch deals that include more-modest amounts of food that might be suitable for those with small appetites. I suspect those lunch specials are offered mainly on weekdays.

Actually, portion size is sometimes smaller, not always, for fixe prix lunches offered during the week, Ann. In the States, there's often a lunch menu and a dinner menu, but not in France. For a la carte, restaurants just have menus (called la carte in French), and serve the same food at both meals. A lot of people eat their main meal at noon.

The exception would be a gastronomic restaurant that would offer a shorter version of its multi-course set-price evening meal geared to people who have to return to work or other activities. Instead of a 3-hour evening meal, these are reduced to 1.5-2 hours. Not a daily activity for most of us.

Restaurants are businesses with associated costs. If this is a matter of appetite, no one forces you to eat more than you are able. If you really cannot order a starter and a main each, then just order a main, but everyone should order at least a main course. If you are simply trying to save money, there are always less expensive restaurants.

There are many dinners who do not enjoy watching neighbors eating from one another's plate. Sample something - OK, more than that is not done.

I'm afraid your biggest mistake was asking for permission and presenting it like it was going to be a big deal.
Though, honestly, ordering to main courses shouldn't be such a problem.

I think it's a mistake to expect Florida 5PM early-bird specials in Europe. I believe it's less assured that a restaurant employee has a lifetime job (I mean in a Social Democracy country ... ) anymore. But you can't apply home experience to another country.

Is it any wonder that there are now isolated reports of Italian restaurants using factory pasta for Americans and home-made pasta for locals? Be careful what you wish for.

It's also a fallacy that throwing edible food in the garbage is a mortal sin. It's well-established that "clean your plate" childhood training is a contributor to unhealthy eating patterns and increasing obesity. When I told my mother, " then put it in an envelope and send it to the Biafrans", she admitted that she had told (and regretted) telling her mother to "send it to the Belgians."

This seems to be more about saving money than anything else…. Now, I like to save money as much as the next person, but as a solo traveler I have long ago accepted that some things simply cost money and you pay it when on vacation. Sharing a plate has never been an option and I do just fine. It is okay to be selective what you order and leave food on the plate.

I'm a solo traveler, too, and yes sometimes, regrettably, there will be food waste. I do my best to order smaller amounts, but I'm not going to deny myself a local speciality.

When going to a restaurant at home I nearly always come away with extra food enough for a lunch, but that's usually not possible when traveling.

I do believe there's some very harsh comments on this thread; I had gastric surgery years ago and still have a relatively small stomach, so I would never eat a full plate of food, whether in France or in the US. I certainly know many older folks that have reduced appetites, I think it's irresponsible for anyone here to assume that it's a $$ issue, or that Italy will fall apart because of seniors splitting a plate.

They're looking for a solution, not criticism - look at it like this - what if they were a French couple with small appetites - how would they handle this?

skunklett, I'm 71 and I have a Gastric Reflux diagnosis. But I don't believe the world has a duty to accommodate me.

As already noted, a restaurant is a capitalist business. If someone can make money advertising "small plates", they will.

As a practical matter, and because GR calls for earlier dining, we buy bar snacks when appropriate, instead of waiting for Michelin-star restaurants to open.

By the way, unless you are going to lecture me that throwing away edible food is going to kill whales and trees, then it IS, about ... Money.

We generally do what KC and Bets do: just order less food. This works well in both France and Italy. France has those wonderful big salads, and Italy has its primi piatti. We can share a salad and a main course in France, or two primi or a primo and secondo in Italy. Stan usually gets a dessert, but I never do; we both enjoy wine and (usually) coffee.

This has worked well for us.

@Tim - at least your comment to me gave half a solution for OP.

Last time I'll chime in: if you were doing this already twenty years ago, then it has little to do with age.

The restaurant will probably do as you want, but it's not the most polite thing to do here and imports your American way of eating when you are a visitor here. French people enjoy their food and don't make a big deal out of it.
Here's one man's opinion.https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/relationships/article-11369339/French-man-walks-date-woman-learning-doesnt-eat-gluten-drink-wine.html

What do older French people do? We're French and as I wrote above, we order two dishes and wine.

Bonjour a tous. Thank you for sharing your ideas and experiences.

Just a comment or two. I asked because we want to be polite travelers, unlike the boorish Americans we had the unfortunate experience of dining near in Provence, years ago. They loudly complained about the French food that was on the menu and made clear that they wanted well-done steaks. THEY should have simply stayed in Texas, as far as our family was concerned. Restaurant staff too, je crois.

Our dining habits here are generally appreciated by restaurant staff on the U.S. west coast. They typically love the idea that we share a number of small plates and happily split one large. But we wanted your input because we know there are differences in France. And, no, we do not want to send copious amounts of food back to the kitchen. Alors, we will order 2 plats and wine, plus appetizers (entrees), salad, legumes and/or dessert -- as your advice and our appetites suggest.

Merci.

fred, thanks for coming back and being so gracious. It's not exactly the same thing, but this nearby thread is related:

https://community.ricksteves.com/travel-forum/trip-reports/french-people-are-lovely

I observed the change in French attitudes, between my first trip in 1987, and today. But as our host Rick likes to say, it always helps, even if you can only speak six "courtesy words" in the local language.

I love taking the chance to greet Manhattan tourists in French, just because it makes them so happy. Just like us, their faces usually call for, "Es que vous cherchez quel' que chose?"

In Europe, the waiters always answer me in English now. But not the tourists on Seventh Avenue!

For me, this may possibly be one thing I get to look forward to as I age! A smaller appetite, yes please! lol. I ask my husband sometimes to share an entree and he never wants to.

Fred, I feel the same way, but my husband doesn't. And I see his point--we're only in France for 4-6 weeks and have to cram in enough good lunches to carry us through 8 or so months of not-top-notch restaurants at home. For us it's every other day in a good restaurant. (Lunch only; dinnertime in France comes too late for us.)

Every restaurant we go to that has a limited choice menu at lunch lets you pick entree-plat, plat-dessert, or all three: entree-plat-dessert, priced accordingly. I wish I could pick two of the three, but I confess to ordering all three every day. So do as I say, not as I do.

I gain weight on this regime and my husband loses weight. More exercise than at home is his secret.

I will add that after the first week of breakfast croissants etc, I stop eating breakfast. And I've started to have a bowl of soup or muesli for supper because it all gets to be too much. Even a baguette sandwich for lunch on our non-restaurant days now seems huge to me.

What I wish is that every restaurant would let you eat very small amounts of ten or fifteen things. That way you could try everything without gorging.

Crumbs, you might try travel to Japan and Kaiseki. Sounds like it’s right up your alley. But it costs a pretty penny…too rich for us. Safe travels.

What I wish is that every restaurant would let you eat very small amounts of ten or fifteen things.

There are a lot of restaurants doing this exact thing, but that much raw material inventory and food prep add a lot of cost. Expect 80€ to 100€ per person, lunches somewhat less expensive. I have had the opportunity to dine with a lot of friends at locations with tasting menus such as les Climats, les Ombres, l´Initial, l´Eclipse and many others.

Never seen anyone, we are all seniors, who thought the food amounts were excessive. French food portions are not the same as what one typically sees in the US.

We are similar to you in our desire to eat smaller meals. We are also extremely sensitive about wasting food.

Upon entering a restaurant, we always are very courteous and engaging, using a greeting and some attempts in French, but we don't ask if it is ok to split. We were in France in the spring and at the nicer restaurants for dinner we looked around at the size of the entrees. We usually split a salad, each got an entree, and split a dessert. The portions are usually smaller there. In the cases where there was a larger serving, we would ask to split and everyone was very gracious about it. I think it helps that we always order a glass of wine or two, eat as soon as the restaurant opens and don't linger over a 2 or 3 hour dinner. We are cleared out early so the table is freed up for their prime time dinner crowd. We also leave a small tip, so hopefully that makes up for some of the inconvenience!

OP- are you super active at home and still have a reduced appetite? Could it be possible that while traveling, walking, site seeing you may have a stronger appetite than you anticipate? Making this a non-issue?
Our travel appetite is vastly different from our normal daily eating schedule in that we have none. Our activity level is so much greater when we travel and we do not want to waste precious daylight sitting in a restaurant, so we just pick up what smells/looks good that we can grab and take to bench/wall to eat resulting in varying times of the day that we eat which can mean very small dinners or huge dinners. Either way I would never express to the restaurant how hungry or not hungry I was, we just always get an entree and cool it on the apps/desert if we are not that hungry.

Crumbs, travel to Spain for their Tapas. Cheaper then Japan. And yes, we were 4 people and would order 6 tapas and share. It was marvelous.

Letizia, thanks for pointing that out.

We are reasonably active at home. We will be biking more in France for two of our four weeks there ... one week in the Dordogne and another in the Loire. We will be biking perhaps twice what we bike at home. But that is more likely to bump up our appetites at lunch, rather than dinner.

Again, I think we have had good comments and direction in the first 8 to 10 responses, so we know to order one plat each, two glasses or a demi-carafe (or "split") of wine and also order this and that in terms of appetizers, salad, sides and dessert to discreetly share. Or each order a different prix-fixe meal, likely two rather than three items.

Hi Fred, for your initial options that you preferred, you could easily have one person order the appetizer and salad as their meal and the other person ordering the entree and dessert. Then you could split the appetizer & dessert. When my husband travels with me, we usually each order an entree and split a salad. Sometimes we will split a dessert, instead. If we order a pizza, we just get one and a salad. And we share a bottle of sparkling water. But, we don’t frequent the expensive restaurants where I would definitely feel we should each order an entree and another item each.