Addressing others in France

No need to worry about this.

When addressing someone, simply say "Bonjour (or "au revoir", or "bonne nuit"). There's no need to add "Monsieur , Madame or Mademoiselle. In most cases, this would even sound awkward and too formal.

The only contexts where this might be justified and a sign of politeness are if you are addressing an elderly person or a very important person.

The important thing is to say "bonjour" when you enter a place where there are other people.
What may seem strange is that in an "unwritten protocol," these other people aren't required to respond by saying hello as well.

And "merci, bonne journée' when you leave the bakery where you bought your croissants.

C.M. You are way overthinking this. There is no need to use any of three salutations that you list. Of course, your waiter or a clerk or the person at the front desk may use whichever of the salutation is appropriate but that has no bearing on what you say upon initially greeting them. You already know the importance of saying bonjour and that is really all you need.

Mademoiselle is simply not used for anyone but a child -- so it is more polite to use Monsieur and Madame with your greeting of any adult man or woman and not necessary with young people and you don't need to use it with adults.

Although it sounds a little formal by American standards, you do indeed greet everyone as Madame or Monsieur. (I'd only use Mademoiselle for girls no older than their teens. I'm actually not sure what you'd call teen boys, TBH)

Greet every person you come across in the service industry with these terms, while it may sound overly formal to us, it is always used in France regardless of whether the person is older or younger than you are. And if you've studied French, you probably know to use the more polite "vous" with any adult you don't know.

For example, in a restaurant to get the server's attention you'd say, "Madame, encore un café, s'il vous plaît" or "Monsieur, l'addition s'il vous plaît."

I was told the same by a French gentleman, Stella.

Although it sounds a little formal by American standards, you do
indeed greet everyone as Madame or Monsieur.

No, it's very unusual to say Madame or Monsieur in everyday life. It's very academic French from at least fifty years ago.

Or maybe it's French for French language students ?

.

This is an interesting question. I realize that I haven't usually thought about whether I should use monsieur/madame or not. It just seems to come out of my mouth on a few rare occasions automatically, but not very often. When I try to recall the instances, I think it might have been when I wanted to get the attention of one person among others. Generally I don't use the honorific, but I do know that sometimes it just seems right. Next time I am in France I'll try to pay more attention to when the terms slip out in my speech.

For reference, I am not a native speaker, but 4 years in high school and a college minor, plus a native-speaker husband with the attendant relatives in France, have given me a bit of experience in everyday conversations. My ear has become accustomed to the Breton and Provencal accents and slang, and I have entertained the family with my many mistakes, especially with false cognates. I guess all those times sharing meals and sitting around the table for hours, sipping digestifs, has allowed some bits of native-speaker usage to slip into my French. Still, the question of "monsieur/madame" is on my radar now. I anticipate a lively conversation about this with the family when next we are gathered around the dinner table. If there are eight people, there will be eight opinions! I can't wait! Thanks for bringing this up, C.M.!

I've spent a year in France, and everywhere I've gone I've been addressed as Madame, and I address others accordingly. It is not at all unusual. Buying a ticket in the train station? Bonjour, Madame....etc. etc. Asking directions from someone on the street? Bonjour, Monsieur....etc. etc. The server brings my drink in the restaurant? Merci, Madame...etc, etc.

I have friends who are born and raised in Paris and always use this form of address.

I don't know where you live but everywhere I've been in France it is the same thing - you address people in the service industry as Madame and Monsieur.

We rarely tack on Monsieur or Madame anymore. It does happen but it’s something we feel due to the circumstances. However, our bonjours are emphatic, perhaps to fill the gap of the now rarely used Monsieur or Madame. Mademoiselle has been banished legally, at least on documents, but it’s used more endearingly; I’ll refer to my granddaughter as mademoiselle. There’s no distinct term for a young man. Jeune homme is used jokingly. The times have changed.
My one year in France has turned into cinquante-deux.
Jolui has lived in France his whole life.

I'm French, born in Paris, worked for decades in the service industry, and still live in France, where I meet people every day.

99 times out of 100, they say bonjour and I say bonjour to them without adding "monsieur" or "madame." The few English-speaking expats I know who live here have learned over the years that they don't need to do so.

Since I live in a tourist area, the remaining 1% are often foreign tourists trying to practice decent French.

But since I don't want to argue endlessly, I suppose Elizabeth and I live in a parallel world. :)

It sounds as if there may be some regional variations at play here.

In Normandie, it's very common to be greeted, upon entering a shop or restaurant, with "Bonjour" followed by "Monsieur" and/or "Madame". When waiting at the doctor's office, when a new person comes into the room it's very common to hear the person entering say "Mesdames, Messieurs", spoken quietly, with those already waiting responding with either a simple "Bonjour" or "Bonjour Monsieur/Madame."

Not at all overly formal or out of date. In fact, it's so common that when I forget and just say "Bonjour" and receive back in response a "Bonjour Monsieur" I kind of kick myself for leaving off the polite term.

Come to think of it, when I lived in a small town in Bourgogne it was much the same.

And I agree with others commenting above -- I don't believe I've ever heard a French person use "Mademoiselle." Just use "Madame" for a young woman and "Monsieur" for a young man.

For informal male interaction, try 'Mec' or try shortening garçon to 'gars'

Just as in informal English you might call me big guy b/c I am short, you might call a thin Frenchman 'gros'

"C'est un mec bien" is basically 'he's an ok dude'

Meuf is the female equivalent of Mec

"Salut, mec!" (Hi, dude!)

"Bonjour, monsieur." (Hello, sir/gentleman)

For formal, or perhaps too formal, greeting, try these variations:

"Enchanté(e) de faire votre connaissance"

"Ravi(e) de faire votre connaissance"

"Je suis très heureux(/euse) de faire votre connaissance"

More here:

https://lingvist.com/course/learn-french-online/resources/french-greetings/

I suspect there's a north/south divide on this.

When greeting shop staff etc (or people you're not on personal terms with), in the Loire Valley it's definitely "Bonjour Madame/Monsieur". Even if you use the same boulangerie every day. If there are other clients in the shop you may get away with just "Bonjour".

If you're on the street the "Bonjour Madame/Monsieur" is preferable. The response will be just "Monsieur", "Madame", or if you're a couple, "m'sur-dame". Except if it's a school group, in which case you wait for the lead child to say "bonjour", in which case you respond with a string of "bonjour"s.

If you're greeting people you know on a personal level you can use the greeting you feel comfortable with.

There's no difference between the south and the north (apart from the accent).

As you'll see in the link mentioned by avirosemail, it's never specified to add Monsieur or Madame after bonjour.

Other links for "beginners" will confirm this:

https://apprendre.tv5monde.com/fr/aides/vocabulaire-saluer-prendre-conge-0

https://www.busuu.com/en/french/greetings

https://www.francaisauthentique.com/salutations-en-francais/

I was talking about it this morning with some English friends who have lived in France for over 30 years (one of whom teaches French to English people). Learning that you should add monsieur and madame made them laugh.

I've been living in this village for 16 years, so I can only report my daily interactions and observations. For instance - the milk lady has just called, she greeted me with bonjour monsieur, even though she has been selling us milk door to door since we moved here. She also greets my wife with "Bonjour Madame" even though they worked through lockdown together.

I agree with Simon and Bob. My experience is the same as Bob's, in Normandy and the Mayenne where we spend the most time.

We'll encounter a couple walking toward us along the towpath; we say Bonjour and they return Bonjour m'sieur/dame. Like Bob, I feel like I've been too casual.

At the bakery, our observations are that you don't necessarily greet anyone when you join the line unless you know them (though I often hear people joining the line behind me saying m'sieurs/dames without a bonjour). But when you do get to the head of the line you say Bonjour madame to the clerk , not just Bonjour. And as you leave, Merci, au revoir, bonne journee, etc.

So I think it might be a regional thing, or maybe older people retain the formalities. I like it.

I give up! There are too many specialists in everyday French around here... LOL.

If you want to experiment, go to a shop, bakery or bistro, for example. Stay there for an hour or two and listen to how the French people greet each other when they enter.

Or spend some time at a market in the morning.

A much older neighbor crossed my path this morning. Given her gravitas, I said bonjour madame. She replied bonjour. Some shop keepers and service people add madame, others don’t. Employees at large stores are trained to add it. I really haven’t noticed much difference up north. Personnel may say madame, but the important thing is to say bonjour. Just because the other greeted you with Monsieur or madame tacked on, your bonjour all alone is adequate. Simon, yes please try it and tell us.

On the other hand, my French husband had the habit of greeting everyone in the doctor’s office or in a shop, but in the US, where they looked at him like he was a crazy man.

Avi, please dump that mec and meuf stuff. I don’t know where you dug it up. It’s like saying guy, buddy and favorite squeeze and not a form of address in 2025. My kids used it as teens. The chart is excellent, however.

When I was in Paris in February, I didn't hear "Madame" or "Monsieur." But then, like most places, just listen and mimic what others do. The regional bit reminds me of the regional differences in the US, south versus west coast. When I visited the south years ago, "ma'am" was used. The first time I heard it, I thought they were mocking me. Not a thing where I grew up in the west.

Yes. In my brief trip to Paris (just before Covid) I was desperately trying to match what other people were doing in the few shops I'd try. I was frustrated with how much it varied from place to place. :-)

When I visited the south years ago, "ma'am" was used. The first time I
heard it, I thought they were mocking me.

I remember visiting Boston years ago when my sons were kids. They responded to a server in a restaurant by saying, "Yes ma'am" and she burst out laughing because she thought they were being facetious. But that is how we talk even to this day - if a cashier in the grocery store says "Do you want a receipt?" I answer, "Yes, ma'am." Or when a man holds a door for me entering a restaurant (yes, we do that here in the South!) I say, "thank you, sir!"

So maybe in France I "hear" what I am used to hearing, which is the French equivalent of "ma'am" and "sir" where I come from.

This discussion is not taking into account varieties in positionality, as the kids say nowadays.

In many places in France, being older is higher up the ladder, being dressed nicely is higher up the ladder, appearing to be from a certain class or profession puts you in a spot on the ladder relative to others, on and on. An old person greeting another old person might be able to skip the m'sieur without causing any fuss where a teen would be out-of-line. Or maybe an old person including the m'sieur to another old person would be considered overdoing it. On and on.

If I wear a shirt and tie I think I am given more leeway than if I wear a sweatshirt. A bartender might address me differently in the middle of the afternoon when the place is nearly empty and he's recharging his battery than he would during lunch or dinner.

This is on my mind because I noticed recently that if I walk to the office in a suit, people out walking their dogs or pruning their verges (so to speak) will sometimes actually step aside when we pass each other, while if I'm wearing a hoodie and sneakers they seem to expect me to step aside for them.

"...actually step aside when we pass each other, while if I'm wearing a hoodie and sneakers they seem to expect me to step aside for them."

Oh yes. I've wondered how much the "unfriendly" reputation Paris has comes from US people having considerably lower standards (on average) for what is acceptable in public. Both in dress and behavior. Don't know.

edit: Also don't know if this is more of a historical thing as many people here have described how "tourists" now dress like a lot of locals and vice versa.

Well if all this isn't bewildering enough, some of the "rules" seem to be blurring even for vouvoiement. Yes, anyone who has studied French has learned the "rules" but there are so many What If's that I have never fully mastered the concept in spite of years of studying French and interacting with native speakers (and spending a little chunk of time in France in an immersive language experience.)

For example, I've had some long dinner conversations about this with a French friend (she speaks English even more poorly than I speak French, which is to say that neither one of us is fluent, but we understand each other perfectly, even so.) She told me, for instance, that she tutoies her boss in casual conversations but when they have an important business discussion they switch to vouvoiement. So apparently it is not only the relationship, but also the circumstances that come into play. Also she is scandalized that her brother's wife tutoies her mother-in-law. ("Personne ne tutoie ma mère, personne sauf sa famille," she says indignantly.) The sister-in-law is English and she unwittingly stepped right into this one. All the immediate family tutoies their mother but the sister-in-law is NOT supposed to do that. ("Susan est anglaise, elle comprend rien," sniffs my friend.). Meanwhile, I'm listening to the story and feeling kind of sorry for poor Susan. lol

Yes, anyone who has studied French has learned the "rules," but there
are so many "what ifs" that I have never fully mastered the concept.

The concept is simple: there are as many exceptions as there are rules, and no school will teach you them because it's all about attitude, individual behavior, and context. And what's more, it evolves over time. What was considered polite 30 years ago can be seen as old-fashioned and outdated today.

The basic rule of thumb is that if you don't know someone or don't know them well, you say "vous."

If it's family, a colleague, a friend, or someone you know well, you can generally say "tu."

You might think that children should say "vous" instead of "tu" when addressing unknown adults. This is a commonly accepted rule. But in practice, if they says "tu" instead of "vous," it will be considered cute.

There is a trick to avoid this dilemma when you don't know whether to say "tu" or "vous," and it's common to hear it when living in France. It's to replace it with "il" (he) or "elle" (she).

For example, you've been going to the same bakery for many years. The baker knows you well but doesn't consider you "intimate," not knowing if he can say "tu" or "vous". He will say "- Bonjour" (without ever adding "Monsieur" or "Madame") and ask:

"Comment il va aujourd'hui?" (How is he doing today?)

And you can answer "- Il va bien, merci" (He's fine, thanks)

Easy, right?

Hi CM! I wasn't going to chime in but... I do have to say that JoLui and Elizabeth are spot on. I am not French but live in France part time, speak French at a very high level (though not native...someday!) and rarely hear the Madame/Monsieur anymore with some exceptions. Usually the older folks in my neighborhood will give a "Bonjour Monsieur-dame" if my husband and I are on a stroll about. If it's just me, usually it's a simple "bonjour". Shopkeepers that I know, typically a "Bonjour ça va?" When we first moved here a few years ago, my French neighbors and friends chuckled at my very formal school French (madame, monsieur, mademoiselle, nous, etc.) So, my advice, for what it's worth, is stick to the basics: Bonjour and Merci (you could also add on an "au revoir and bonne journée" as you leave.) Both are expected and both are appreciated and as a tourist it's really all you need. You can feel confident that you are respecting the general French norms as a tourist with these two words. I hope you enjoy your trip!

The concept is simple: there are as many exceptions as there are
rules, and no school will teach you them because it's all about
attitude, individual behavior, and context. And what's more, it
evolves over time. What was considered polite 30 years ago can be seen
as old-fashioned and outdated today.

Right, and some of the nuances are subtle, like my friend who addresses her boss as tu sometimes, but vous other times depending on the situation. (That is NOT in the textbooks!)

And believe it or not, even as a learner of French, I have been personally offended by a misplaced tutoiement. I went back to college later in life to get my degree in French. One of my profs (here in America) who was a native speaker and at least fifteen years younger than I was addressed me in class as tu. I instinctively recoiled from that, I thought it was rude. Maybe I was a student, but I was also a mature adult and I felt I should have been addressed accordingly. And my profs at the university in France addressed ALL students as vous, so I really thought my American prof was out of line.

Here's the thing: normally, we don't even think about it. It's something that's just part of us, but this thread is causing me to notice.
This morning, I had two internet communications. 1. A clerk at a company signed with his first name, Jean. But when I thanked him for his helpful service, I signed Mme. Blabla, not Elizabeth. First and last name would be okay, too, but I would never sign just my first name. 2. Correspondance with a travel company. I addressed it Bonjour Madame but signed Elizabeth Blabla since she had signed with her first and last name.

I am so sorry for that poor daughter-in-law who is relegated to a vous status and looked down upon for believing she could have the same status as the protected inner circle. That's one for Carolyn Hax or Miss Manners and not a normal situation. Most people don't subscribe to such pretention. The last I heard of anything like that was a friend's upper-class family where the parents used vous with each other in front of the children but tu when alone in the 1950s. Or a few Royalists who refuse to speak to commoners. But, I babysat in a titled family in the 1970s and didn't encounter barriers.

Back to the OP's initial question.

Since last Friday, I've been paying attention to how people greet each other in a number of everyday situations. Not once have I heard anyone add "madame" or "monsieur" to bonjour.

In semantic discussions on internet forums among French people about how to greet, the question doesn't even come up. It's "bonjour" and that's it. On the other hand, there are debates and even battles over the major question: Who should say "bonjour" first?

So, there's really no point in worrying about this topic.

Actually, it's not even a topic when you're French, it's a justà funny pointless hassle for foreigners. And whatever you're told with specific examples, unless you have a job interview, a simple "Bonjour" is OK. Period.

When "Monsieur" or "Madame" is added, it's most of the time followed by the last name.

For example, my bank branch manager says to me, "Hello Monsieur Xxxxx" (this is pretty much the only situation I've found).

I visit the market every week - sometimes twice a week - for 16 years.

Here, the normal greeting goes like this:

1st person - Bonjour Monsieur/Madame/First name

2nd person - Bonjour (If they're a social acquaintance ça va? is always added)

OR

Monsieur/Madame/M'sur-dame

(This doesn't apply to our Maire, who always greets me with "Bonjour jeune homme", to which my response is "chef").

There may be outliers - our pharmacienne just "bonjour"s, but I think that's because we're in there often enough to be known, but not socially connected.

I would never just "bonjour" someone I didn't know socially except as a response. Exactly the same as everyone else in this town.

Down south you may be more casual, but don't assume your way is the only way

I am so sorry for that poor daughter-in-law who is relegated to a vous
status and looked down upon for believing she could have the same
status as the protected inner circle....Most people don't subscribe to
such pretention.

Well I'm sure this reflects their "place" in life (for lack of a better word.). My friend's mother was born in 1930 and has lived her entire life in Paris - she even lived in Paris during the Occupation - and worked as some kind of diplomat in her younger years. This lady is a very upper crust old Parisienne who lives in an apartment in the 5th arr, where her balcony looks out over the Luxembourg Gardens. Given her age and status, I'm not surprised to hear that NO ONE tutoies this woman except her immediate family! (This is to say she is solidly "old school.")

However, I'll add that this woman is an absolute delight, I have enjoyed visiting her and staying in her lovely apartment. She may be proper but she is not at all stuffy or snooty. She found me a willing audience to sit and flip through all her photo albums and regaled me with stories for hours and had me laughing out loud. She speaks no English (or at least chooses not to, I'm not sure which) but since I comprehend French much better than I speak it, I understood most of what she told me and I could have listened to her all day. And I wouldn't have DARED to address this woman as tu in a million years! LOL

I'm not saying it's the only way, but that it's a sufficient way, and that it's the one used most often and everywhere in France, which will suit the OP perfectly.

It's not advisable to tell the OP that he/she should add "Monsieur" or "Madame" simply because you have different personal experiences that are very much in the minority and unrepresentative

Thinking that it might be different in the South than in the North is also a misconception

I've already provided internet links previously that demonstrate that you don't need to add "Monsieur" or "Madame"

Fascinating...

I no longer feel frustrated that I couldn't match how other French people were acting in the few shops I tried.

Simon did just write that the bonjour monsieur or bonjour madame is said by the vendors while he responds bonjour. So he does just say bonjour, tout court

This is akin to what I wrote above, except that we have vendors who don't add the madame or monsieur and others that do. Whether I use it depends on the phase of the moon and where the planet is in the galaxy at the moment. It's a feeling deep in the bones; we speak without contemplating. Same with tu and vous. No pain, no worry. It's our daily life.

@Lynn Yes, I'd agree.

How we use it, who we use it with, when and where; we're people fumbling through it.

With other efforts, also going on, to reduce that complication with various standards. Both official and not.

It's very lucky that most of us grow up with this stuff. We get to absorb a lot of it as we do.

This has become quite the discussion! As I mentioned in my comments above, I don't think about Monsieur/Madame usage. Sometimes it just slips out in my speech (not very often), and when it does it seems to be appropriate for that situation/conversation/greeting. Now that I am aware of the seriousness of such usage I will probably pay more attention. However, I hope that my usage/non-usage will continue to be organic and not forced. Also, as I said before, there will probably a different opinion from each member of the family in France, highly nuanced, subject to the quantity of digestifs consumed and how long we have been at the table. I can't wait to get back to France to discuss it, and, of course, the tu-toi controversies! Another exciting after-dinner entertainment to look forward to! (That is not sarcasm. I really do enjoy the post-meal conversations in which we solve all the problems of the world, both large and small.)

Bonne journee a tous!

My point is simply to make things simple for a tourist with these specific French customs, which are impossible to master in a few days, or even a few years.

This isn't a matter of politeness. If we had to take into account polite usage, there would be much more than just "monsieur" or "madame" after Bonjour.

For example, someone who's very strict about the rules might advise against asking "où est la station de métro s'il vous plait? (where is the metro station? Please?)
But rather saying "Excusez moi cher monsieur, auriez vous l'obligeance de m'indiquer où se trouve la station de métro, s'il vous plait " (something like this: "Excuse me, dear sir, would you be so kind as to tell me where the metro station is, please"

Which is theoretically the polite way, which no one uses in real life, but we could certainly debate it for hours.

Does a passing tourist need to worry about this? No, because "where is the metro station please" will work just fine.

So unless you're with someone particularly strict and attached to 19th-century standards, a simple Bonjour will works just fine without anyone being offended or finding it impolite.

Let me redirect our attention to the positionality aspect by recollecting once when deplaning at SFO from someplace with a lot of Spanish speakers that a voice from the row behind me said, in Spanish, May I trouble you for a small assistance with my bag? I had not looked directly back at her at first but was about to join in on the joke/fun with a comparably formal assent when I saw that she was probably not a regular traveler to the EE UU and was intending to take the prudent approach of being polite and formal.

A few minutes later I was whisking along on the moving walkway and came up to her from behind and got to reciprocate with a bright Con permiso? so she could elaborately usher me ahead of her. I think we both felt better and could maybe perhaps possibly pass that on to others.

Not to tread on French etymology too roughly, but it is cute to consider 'etiquette' as though it means a small ethic.

[yes I know that that is not what it is derived from, don't lecture me]

Last evening I had an interesting experience at about 6:30 pm with the sun still (at the solstice) still high in the sky. Went into a shop and said brightly, "bonsoir," just as the young woman inside said "bonjour." We both chuckled, and I asked at what hour the greeting should change; she shrugged and said that both were OK given the hour and the sunlight, and that there's no clear dividing line on the clock.

The topic of "madame" vs. "mademoiselle" vs. "hey, you" never arose in our conversation. I will note that once one leaves the touristy parts of Bordeaux, English is a basically useless language.