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Adult opposite gender siblings sharing hotel room

My husband is opposed to the concept of his two adult children (female 21, and male 23 - full blood siblings with a good relationship) sharing a hotel room and insists that at the very least they need seperate beds. I grew up camping in tiny tents with four brothers on vacation and don't see the issue. From what I gather, two twin beds in a hotel room in Europe is an oddity. Can anyone speak to the normality of sibling sharing a double bed or the availability of two beds/one room options in Europe? We're planning a trip to Germany and haven't talked to them about it yet

Update to answer questions raised: We will discuss it with the kids (adults really) but haven't yet. Accommodations aren't a small part of the budget and if it increases by 33% (going from 2 rooms nightly to 3) then that will have ramifications on the trip. We are footing the bill, so we'll need to decide what we can manage. But based on cometary so far, it seems like getting two beds in one room is both necessary and possible, and not an unusual practice for siblings to share a room. We'll still make sure they are comfortable and respect their wishes, while also being realistic about our choices. We're tentatively planning on announcing the trip in December (prior to any bookings) with a departure date in mid May.

Additional updates to questions: the trip is being announced as they commence their last semester of college as a graduation gift to both (they both graduate with BAs in May). We have heritage in Germany - their paternal grandma emigrated in the 50's with living relatives still there. It's a "find your roots as you spread you wings" trip. The kids will be able to contribute to the itinetary within reason and exact schedule (16 days). If they don't want to go, then we'll go without them!

As a couple, our funds are one and the same (no "his and hers" monies). As to guys and girls bunking together, instead of parents/ siblings, I'd be open but suspect my step daughter would prefer to bunk with her brother over me. The daughter has a BF who may want to tag along. He's welcome but must pay for his own flight and accommodations (this would actually solve my problem, as the daughter would certainly room with her BF, leaving the son with his own room). However, this will likely be cost prohibitive for the BF. There aren't any others joining us (i.e. no kids of my own) and the son is unattached. So just us four with the possibility of the BF. It seems communication is key. I don't want them to be uncomfortable and comments about the stress of travel straining relationships are worth considering. They both know how to get on eachother's nerves.

Posted by
6446 posts

Twin beds are not an oddity. I traveled with my older sister and my uncle over the last 4 years we were able to book twin beds in Spain, France, Italy, Sweden, and Germany to save money. Today most sites like booking.com or hotel chain search engines allow you to specify filter your search by the type of room twin versus double bed. You will not have a problems finding hotels with twin beds in Germany.

Also you could just get single twin rooms usually very small but they exist. I have a travel companion and after trying the twin bed way we decided to do single twin rooms because a snoring problem.

Posted by
4695 posts

I travel alone, and I like my own double or queen bed because I'm tall. Too often, I get two twin beds anyway - sometimes they can be pushed together, sometimes not. Anyway - point is, it is extremely common in Europe to get a hotel room with two twin beds. Use a website like Booking.com where you can see the exact room configurations with pictures to book a place.

Posted by
3000 posts

I travel in Europe with my sister and we never have any trouble finding hotel rooms with twin beds. I strongly suggest you simply reserve those types of rooms.

Posted by
140 posts

My male and female children are just a bit older (24 and 26). While sharing a room would not be an issue, sharing a bed would be an issue.

Posted by
4457 posts

Having traveled a number of times with friends and on a number of RS tours where I shared a room with a tourmate, it is pretty easy to find rooms with two beds. Sometimes the two beds are pushed together, but they are made up separately.

Ask for a room with ”2 beds” rather than ”twin beds”. ”Twin beds” is common to American English and not universally understood.

I would have no problem sharing a room with my brother or sister, but I would absolutely want my own bed. It will be no problem finding rooms with 2 beds in Germany.

Posted by
5401 posts

Many times when we reserve a double-bed room it turns out to be two twins pushed together, with separate duvets for each person. No problem to push them apart a few inches so they're absolutely separate beds.

Posted by
2822 posts

This is a complete non-issue. What is actually more common are rooms billed as double which are actually 2 single beds pushed together.

I don't think there will be any problem for one to find such rooms in all but a few hotels geared exclusively to couples.

The confusion seems to stem from a Rick Steves comment/note that some many hotels have twin beds with a shared headboard and separate beds (which might have been an issue from when he arranged rooms for 2 strangers to share). That is in any case a 1980s design thrown out by now, mostly, with heavy colored wallpaper and lava lamps.

Posted by
14045 posts

My experience is that sometimes there are two single mattresses and sometimes there's one double mattress. You can't be sure unless you contact each hotel directly. Also, if the hotel has both types, even if you reserve "twins", they may not be available when you arrive, especially if you turn up late in the day when most of the rooms have already been allocated.

I often use booking.com or hotels.com to book rooms. If you do a trial booking, the site will often give you a choice of a double or twin room.

Posted by
843 posts

I usually travel with a friend and we share a room but not a bed. I reserve a twin room and not a double room, and have not had a problem getting a room with two twin beds.

Posted by
7191 posts

Two twin beds in a room in Europe is not an oddity at all. It's called a "Twin" room...as opposed to a "Double" room with 1 large bed for two people.

Single,
Twin,
Double,
Triple,
Quad

That's the lingo you need to use when booking your room. Some hotels will even provide separate beds in Triples and Quads...all you need to do is ask.

Posted by
826 posts

My sister and I had no problem finding twin beds. That being said if you can't I don't find this to be an issue as long as they don't think it's an issue. It's usually just 2 twin beds pushed together anyway.

Posted by
2058 posts

I would rather spend the night in jail than share a room, let alone a bed, with my brother. Love the guy - but no way!

If his kids don't mind, I don't see a problem.

Posted by
144 posts

We just returned from three weeks with our 20 year old twins, one boy and one girl. The hardest part of accommodations was finding three bed minimum. We got family rooms a couple times, one double bed and two twins. Apartment rentals were easier to see the bed situation. One hotel told us it was two twin beds, it wasn't so mom with daughter and dad with son for the one night. My kids would never want to sleep next to each other.

Posted by
2347 posts

You could also get a triple for the two of them. Even if two beds were pushed together, the third would be separate. And they'd have a bit more space. That said, triples are less common than twin or doubles. But it's an option.

Posted by
925 posts

Be careful of asking for twin beds in Europe. My dad and I traveled to the UK and I had specifically asked for twins beds in a hotel. However, the "twin beds that we got consisted of twin beds together with separate mattress and two duvets. Awkward as heck but luckily it was only for one night. I'd ask for two single beds-most hotels usually have them. As for siblings, I have an older sister and we used to have to share a bed at my grandmas. We both hated it as someone would always hog the covers and take up most of the bed. I don't think I could share a bed with my sister either.

Posted by
5896 posts

Sorry Heather I'm being a bit slow but what was wrong with the twin beds you got in the UK hotel? You had separate mattresses and separate bedding. What made it awkward?

I travel regularly with a friend and have never had a problem getting twin beds. The one issue I did have in Germany were the square pillows which for some reason I found really annoying.

Posted by
925 posts

The configuration of the integral bed head and side tables offered no alternative i.e. the beds could not be separated.

Posted by
4025 posts

However, the "twin beds that we got consisted of twin beds together with separate mattress and two duvets.

Isn't that the definition of twin beds?

Posted by
7330 posts

An alternative to your adult kids sharing a room, even w two twins, is you and your daughter share a room and your husband and son share a room.

Posted by
17748 posts

The OP says they are traveling in Germany. I find that a lot of room listings in German will state that they are either a DZ (doppel zimmer) which is two adjacent single beds made into one double bed (whether one mattress or two) or a 2BZ (2 bett zimmer) which means two separated single beds. A lot of times on the website for the relevant accommodations there will be pictures that shows 2 separate beds in a 2BZ (I am usually looking for a room with a double bed so I look at the pictures).

I don't think there is any advantage to using a 3rd party booking site (like Booking.com). In fact, I would suggest that the property's own website will often have a better definition of the type of bed.

Posted by
711 posts

If you ask them to pay 50% of the cost of single rooms it won't increase your expenses at all. I would expect adults in their 20's to be able to do this.

Posted by
3436 posts

In the US, if you get twin beds, they are always separated, never pushed together. I believe the issue was the twin beds were not separated.

Posted by
1847 posts

Since they are your husband's adult children, I would let him make the call on what would be comfortable for them..........assuming he is paying for their portion of the trip (if you two operate with separate funds). If the funds are commingled in your household, you likely know if the extra 33% will kill your family budget (or if it is more of an irritant to you).

But, for the sake of being a reasonable stepmother, I would suggest deferring to your husband's judgement on this one (again, assuming he appropriately contributes to the household budget).

I would have found sharing a room with my brother unpleasant.....actually very unpleasant (spoiled rotten, could "get away with murder," golden son, a gawd-foresaken tease, etc. issues).

Sounds like this might be a surprise holiday gift (the trip), and what could happen is the desire for your daughter in law and son in law to request boyfriend/girlfriend to come along on the trip (if they have such significant others in their lives), so you might be ready for that twist, too.

The suggestion of the guys (dad/son) and (you/his daughter) sharing rooms could work, but what if his daughter might not want to speak up but would dread the thought of sharing a room with the Stepmother?

Travel is stressful, and sometimes having a peaceful night-time environment can ease the stress.

I have seen very good friends share rooms and then end up having the friendship terminate after a trip. Having one's place of escape and rest is important (though, yes, more costly).

If you also came to the marriage with children of your own, will they be going on the journey?

And, then also (as a couple) be prepared if they are not super excited about traveling to Europe with you two, or if work/other activities may keep them from being able to travel when you want.........but guessing your husband has a general idea if the trip would work for them and thrill them (and I assume he thinks it will). Typically if a parent pays, then the kids (of any age) are all on board :) It is a lovely gift!!!

Posted by
503 posts

Have traveled many times with friends and/or family and always got rooms with two separate beds, but, as Laura said, you have to request two separate beds. If you ask for twins you are most likely going to get two beds pushed together but with different bedding on each. And while you are technically not sleeping in the same bed, it would be awkward for me to sleep with one of my brothers this way (love them to death though!) Two separate beds? No problem.

Posted by
607 posts

Have you considered AirBnB? I have been researching 3 bedroom apartments which are cheaper than the cost of 2 hotel rooms.

Posted by
5896 posts

Twin beds, with separate mattresses and bedding, are separate beds even if they are next to each.
I've never even thought there might be something "not right" about close relatives such as siblings staying in a room with this arrangement.
What is the suggested distance between 2 beds to make this furniture arrangement appropriate? :-)

If you have an issue with it, and the beds are trapped between bedside tables, just pull the beds away from the wall and slide them infront of the tables to allow more room between the two when you go to sleep.

Posted by
3436 posts

What is the suggested distance between 2 beds to make this furniture arrangement appropriate? :-)

The beds are too close together if I can lay in my bed and touch any part of the other bed. :-)

Posted by
23994 posts

You would have had a hard time 100 years ago (or less) when entire families slept in one bed.

Posted by
3436 posts

Yes, I know I am privileged since I have always had my own bed in my own room.

My mom had 12 brothers and sisters. They all lived in a 3 bedroom house with one bathroom. My mom shared her bed with 3 of her sisters. Only her parents had a bedroom to themselves. The rest of the family slept wherever they could find a flat spot. I would have been miserable. They were happy :-)

Posted by
3144 posts

We are footing the bill, so we'll need to decide what we can manage

He or she who pays the piper calls the tune. The decision is up to you and your husband -- not anyone else including your children.

If you are feeling generous toward your kids and want to give them more space, get them separate rooms. If the budget can't afford that, they can share a room; just get two beds.

This is pretty simple; it's not rocket science.

Posted by
1348 posts

This has been a fine example of two (or more) cultures separated by a common language -- in my LLBean catalog the sheets and comforter section lists sizes 'twin, full, queen, king' -- so "twin" refers to a size of mattress, and it sometimes happens in lodging in Europe that to get to that size two smaller mattresses are stuck together -- so it took me a while when reading this thread to understand that by "twin" the writer, and many commenters, meant two beds that might or might not be right next each other.
Again, to me "twin" is a size and not a quantity.
In US hotels a twin room usually is to distinguish it from a king room or queen room, but places with a lot of space to waste or the opposite (tight quarters) would clarify by photo or description just how many twin or queen or king beds would be in the room, i.e. a double would have two twin beds.
Glad I could help clear this up :P /s

Posted by
3343 posts

I just checked on Booking.com about this issue. You can refine your search by checking the Twin beds box or the Double bed box. Most hotels will have both.

You can click on rooms designated as double or twin to see the configuration of the beds. That's the only way you can understand how they are set up.

Some twins are actually touching each other with no room to separate them. Some have a walking space between them. Some doubles are one solid mattress. Some are twins pushed together.

After you find some hotel (or other) alternatives, Google the lodging and go to their website. There you can possibly see more pictures and information. You should be able to contact them by email to explain your situation. You might be able to get a better price by contacting them directly, especially since 2-3 rooms may be involved.

Posted by
8293 posts

Well, 35 responses have been given to the OP’s post asking for advice about her adult children. She has not commented on any of them. Save your breath to cool your porridge, people.

Posted by
23994 posts

Yes, Norma. One question and run. No feedback, no dialogue.

The echoes around the empty room get louder.

Posted by
4484 posts

Not strictly true about no engagement since the top post has been extended at least twice.

Posted by
8293 posts

Oh, well, then ..... we know attention has been paid in one manner or other. Hmphh.

Posted by
8293 posts

And Marco, clever of you to spot that the OP had added to the original post, rather than post separate comments. I wonder how many other noticed this. Strange thing to do without noting that an EDIT is being made.

Posted by
23994 posts

When I know the question and am following the thread I don't go back and make sure I read it correctly. On some of our threads on here that would mean reading the OP dozens of times.

On the other hand if I see that there is a big EDIT or >>>> or some other attention getter I will look to see what's on.

Posted by
2347 posts

I don't want them to be uncomfortable and comments about the stress of travel straining relationships are worth considering. They both know how to get on eachother's nerves.

This bit that the OP added later is probably the key. A two week trip spent together in a small room is not likely to give anyone fond memories. That space and time to be alone is important when you're spending time with the family.

Here's what I'd suggest- When you're in one place for a few days, get them separate rooms. When you have a one night stay somewhere, maybe they could share a room. Like the night before a flight, etc. They can suck it up for a couple of nights scattered throughout the trip. Especially if they have had some space on their own the rest of the trip.

And here's something you might not realize. Often kids just leaving college are hyper sensitive to the bonds of family holding them down. Even when you haven't been helicoptering, or my-house-my-rules-ing them. This surprised me when the first two graduated from college. I've come to think of it as a developmental stage, like a kid not letting you help with his shoes so he can do it himself. Something to consider. Try not to do all activities together. Give them more space than you think you need to, and then they'll probably join you more than they'd planned. I call it the biting-the-tongue stage of parenthood.

Posted by
343 posts

Just back from 7 weeks in France and Spain.

My husband and I sometimes requested two twin beds so we wouldn't be fighting over the duvet, but twice these twin beds were much too short for him (he's six feet tall). He said, "This is a kid's bed!" That never happened with double beds.

I don't know how tall your kids are, but it's something to be aware of if any of them are tall.

Posted by
4025 posts

My husband and I sometimes requested two twin beds

Why would you need four beds!