I Can’t Decide! Can You Please Help Me?

Which wins out - you showing your husband a peek of what you saw in Australia, or him showing you where he grew up?

I haven't been to New Zealand yet, but I’ve gotten the impression that many people pick with the North island or the South.

Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I can’t help but feel that there is more to this question. I say this because I would have zero problems coming up with an itinerary to spend several weeks Down Under. In fact I did that about 5 years ago when I spent 9 weeks in Australia and New Zealand. Since then New Zealand sits firmly at the top of my list of favorite countries in the world. There is so much to see and do there and the Kiwis are genuinely the most fantastic and welcoming people. I wouldn’t hesitate to go back there, not for one minute. So what’s causing you to change your mind on your already partially booked travel plans?

Thanks for your speedy replies Cyn and Dutch-Traveler.

I do really want to go to NZ, I’m just not sure this is the year to do it.

@Cyn, my dilemma isn’t trying to choose between the North and South Islands. I figured we would split our 4+ weeks with 1/3 on the NI and the rest on the SI. Some mental block is preventing me from making decisions about where to go and for how long. Australia would be easy. I just don’t know what to make of my indecision besides maybe we just shouldn’t go this year for a reason I don’t exactly know.

@Dutch-Traveler, I totally understand what you’re saying and NZ has been on my wish list for a long time. If you were going to NZ for the first time and had 4.5 weeks where would you recommend?

It sounds like you're intimidated by the New Zealand planning because it can be overwhelming! I know how that feels. I have recommended this before in this group but if you can go to Facebook and join a group called " New Zealand travel tips" it can be very helpful. I wrestled with doing an itinerary and got tons of help from these folks. Don't give up on New Zealand. It is a fantastic place to visit! We did Queenstown, Milford sound, Blenheim, with a stay at a beautiful inn in Pelorus Sound- we visited Wellington , Rotorua, and Auckland. It was amazing. Need to go back!

I can’t help you decide, but I will say trust your gut. Twice I have been in a similar situation and my gut was right both times.

Andrea, if your gut’s telling you that NZ is giving you concerns, then you’ll be probably bothered by that during all your planning, and it would probably affect your enjoyment on the trip itself. Unless you identify your actual concern, and then determine whether it’s warranted, there could be a cloud hovering over the whole trip.

Will next year be different, I wonder? Or, same gut reaction to NZ, even next year? What if you went just to Australia this year, and skipped NZ?

At least you have a good fall-back trip option, with Buffalo and Quebec. Is your husband adamant about either itinerary, yea or nay? Maybe give things a week before deciding, and see how you feel?

@annemargaret, I follow that facebook group and the information is very helpful. I have read guidebooks, talked to friends who have been and I belong to the NZTT facebook group and something internally is preventing me from proceeding with making plans.

@Katheryne, thank you for your support about my gut feeling. I have been correct a number of times in the past when I trusted my instincts.

Andrea - I think you are having cold feet on the NZ trip, but afraid to pull the trigger on it. I know, it has happened with me before. I had this idea and tickets bought for a trip to explore Portugal. I talked to people about it, I was super excited, and then I wasn't. I was bogged down on the costs for accommodation. It also happened that my trip would fall within a big holiday there. I knew I could make it work, but I wasn't as excited about it anymore. The planning process became more painful than enjoyable. Maybe I had made a decision too soon on my destination. I had already booked the time off as vacation at work, so I knew I was going to travel somewhere.

I followed my gut and requested an e-credit with Delta. But I lost a ticket for a separate flight within Europe that I had booked on a third-party website. It was the price to pay but I am (today) happy with the decision. I ended up going to Morocco instead, and it was the perfect location at the perfect time. When people asked me why I had switched plans, I just said I wanted to save Portugal for the future and with my family. I didn't owe anyone anything, it was my solo trip, and I had the support of my family when I shared I was changing my itinerary completely. "We want you to be happy on your trip" is what my husband and kid said.

As someone above smartly said, trust your gut. But first take some time to think through what is pulling you back. Have you discussed this with your husband? Are you afraid to disappoint him if you cancel the Australia/NZ trip, so finding a new alternate place to please him? I think best to be open about your struggle and hear his thoughts.

Well, I'll be contrary.

Unless you're planning on going over in a barrel, I think that Niagara Falls is pretty impressive.

My wife used to work for the power company in upstate NY which used power generated at the Falls, a company which even had Niagara in its name... and we drove frequently past Buffalo and the Falls (and the English country village like Niagara on the Lake) to and fro between Syracuse and Toronto... so maybe I'm biased.

I like Montreal (again biased - lived there 3 years) and its Old Montreal and I love the Mountain. And Quebec City has some interesting architecture and bags of history.

But then I also don't know anything about NZ or OZ

I wish the two of you success and a wonderful trip whichever you choose...

@Cyn, NZ has been on my bucket list for years. When I went to Australia last year my friend suggested that we also go to NZ and I declined because I want to go with just my husband. I have no desire to just go to Australia. I love to go to new places and that is why I’m questioning myself about my reluctance to plan. I’m not going to make any hasty decisions. My husband is on board with whatever I decide.

@JoyNyc, thankfully I haven’t spent any money other than our airline tickets. I was thinking about with the increased cost of airfare I should book our tickets from the South Island to Hobart and Hobart to Sydney. I put that on the back burner until I decide what to do.

My biggest gut feeling that proved to be correct was two years ago. I had a 2 week trip planned with my daughter and then my husband and I were to meet up in Zurich for an 8 week trip. Months before I felt uneasy and cancelled the first 4 weeks. My brother passed away the day I would have joined my husband in Zurich. He was developmentally disabled and had Alzheimer’s. I was his conservator. Thankfully I had time to make arrangements for him and honestly my trip was bittersweet. I was happy to have a distraction, but it was still hard. I have had other occasions that I was happy I listened to my gut and never regretted it.

I know your trips are usually on the longer side and fairly complex so the actual planning part is not what’s tripping you up.

I’m on team “go with your gut” even if it doesn’t include Paris! 😉💕.

We had a trip planned for Spring 2020. I just kept struggling with planning it. We ended up deciding to cancel it. Good thing as it would have ended up canceled anyway. I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I'm not saying we have another pandemic coming but I'd go with your gut.

Planning is a lot of work. I find that sometimes I am just not up for it. You can easily postpone NZ for next year. I spent 4 weeks in NZ in 2024. Two of the weeks were with a tour and two were on my own. I get tired of planning everything which is why I enjoy a mix of group tour and independent travel.

I’m taking a Road Scholar tour of Montreal and Quebec City at the end of May. I know that I could easily do this on my own but I haven’t been motivated to do the planning so I took the easy route and signed up for a tour. They spend 4 nights in each city. You might take a look at their itinerary as it might help you come up with a plan for the amount of time you want to spend in each city.
https://www.roadscholar.org/find-an-adventure/20338/Independent-Qu-bec-City-and-Montr-al-People-Places-Culture

Good Luck!

I have done Quebec City to Niagara Falls road trip, including both sides of the border, then flew out of Toronto for LA. Yes it was wonderful and Quebec City is unique, however if you have been to Europe loads, nothing too special. Having said that the experience, while great, pales into comparison with New Zealand which we have done several times North Island and once South Island.

We were novices, the first time, without the benefit of trip planning websites and phone apps but New Zealand is quite simple to explore. Just look at a map and draw a circuitous route for the North Island and head south and back for the South Island. There are quite a few iconic places to visit to help with the exact route to take but anywhere you land will be wonderful and unique from a North American perspective. Start with www.newzealand.com and go from there.

You can’t go wrong with either choice and seeing more of the US and Canada is always a good idea. Maybe it’s the state of the world that is making you feel a bit “anxious” if that’s the right word. I’m not above using a travel agency when I want to go somewhere and don’t have the time to do the research, booking and planning. My cousin owns a travel agency that specializes in down under. He is an expert having traveled there countless times. Let me know if you want his info.

For New Zealand, you might take a look at some canned tours designed for small groups to see if anything there whets your appetite. Starting there could help shape an itinerary. I’d also you suggest you break the planning into two separate islands. Less overwhelming than the overall view and each has their own unique personality, attractions and vibe that could also make planning more manageable. With that big of a chunk of time, I’d focus on a long-haul destination. Charming as Buffalo is, a few days are more than enough. I thought Niagara Falls was pretty enough, but the surrounding area was just meh. OTOH, Montreal and Quebec could easily fill a week each, so if the family pull is strong, you could fill out your 5 weeks that way nicely. It’s comparing apples to oranges. Go with your gut.

I would love to go to NZ. Why not take a look on TA to see what others are doing and where they are going. You have the tickets, so go ahead and plan. Read the forums for the various cities, look at the Things to Do section.
You have over 6 months to explore options. Save Buffalo for next year.

Well, you know I spent 5 weeks in NZ last year.

I am on Team Trust Your Gut (and don’t look back). There are probably a few small things giving you pause, that have not risen to the top of your consciousness yet, but the state of fuel availability is one that would be doing that to me now. Without researching, a bit of concern in both New Zealand and Australia about supplies might make me a little hesitant.

That being said, I stressed a LOT over my planning, working on “best routes”, etc. Then, once there, I realized that there really aren’t that many roads AND it’s so beautiful that the choices don’t really matter AND (same as always) I was going to have to make choices. I was pressuring myself with the thought that I would most likely go only once (unlike Europe, where I usually feel like I can go again if I missed something I really wanted to see). It was unnecessary stress.

You, like me, love that planning process. So if you aren’t loving it this year, start now for next year. (I had a whole lovely June-July trip decided on for this summer and a few months ago I tossed most of it and threw in the Shetlands and Orkney instead and it feels fabulous.)

Not going to try to help you decide but I can offer my experience of travelling NZ.
Our 2024 NZ South Island trip was incredibly easy to plan. The motivation to go was to see the Southern Alps and Fiordland. We have many years ago visited some other parts of the South Island. Planning involved buying a decent road atlas (Hema) and mapping out the best way to do it. We had 3 weeks so chose a simple and very popular route. Christchurch to Christchurch circuit via Aoraki/Mt Cook, Queenstown, Te Anau, Wanaka, the West Coast then across Arthur's Pass.
We routinely hire campervans and NZ is famous as a campervan friendly country so an easy choice. The trip was very inexpensive but we are very much low budget travellers.That said the same journey could be easily done as car/hotel type journey which might not be quite so inexpensive.
The road atlas is pretty detailed and anything that looked vaguely interesting got a quick google search. My sophisticated method was to write all of this down in a note book. Those pages were tucked into the road atlas during our journey. I also tried to limit daily journey times to 2 hours or less so we could stop often. I was able to figure out a decent day by day (very fluid) itinerary. Many tourists do that same journey in 2 weeks, 3 weeks worked well although we did have to prioritise.
Really it was very straightforward planning and not a great deal of research. Apart from flights and campervan we prebooked nothing.
How did it go? Smoothest trip ever. Zero problems. Day after day of jaw dropping scenery.

We did 3 weeks on the North Island last year.
Pretty much the same method of planning/research. Again campervanning. We did book the Hobbiton tour pretrial otherwise free-wheeling again. This was more of a figure 8 starting in Auckland heading south and going through Auckland midtrip to head north then finishing in Auckland. There isn't a common popular route to follow but it was easy to create our own. It was my wife's 2d visit to the North Island and my 3d, mind you visit number one was early 80s. Because of that and our tight budget we skipped some of the popular tourist destinations.
Another problem free trip, even less expensive than the South Island for us. Maybe a bit less of the gobsmacking stunning scenery but no shortage of it nevertheless. A few more quirky off the beaten path gems than down the South.
NZ is an extraordinary place. Pretty sure it will still be there next year if that suits you better.

When you do decide to go, I think a tour would make your trip easier. We took the Globus Journeys small group trip to NZ and Australia and it was great. There was a reasonable amount of free time in the major cities. We took a Lord of the Rings day tour on our free day in Queenstown.

Those are tough decisions, Andrea, and I get how you feel. I go back and forth about destinations all the time and worry and fret and debate the pros and cons of each. I am wondering if the fact that your husband has been talking about wanting to go back to where he grew up and show it to you has something to do with that. Maybe a small feeling of, well, not guilt, but obligation? I don't mean that to sound like it sounds. I'm putting this very badly, but hopefully you know what I mean. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we want to do things for those we love and we want to please them. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

And of course there is nothing wrong with ditching your current plans. If it doesn't feel right, then don't do it.

Here is one suggestion I might make: Drop your New Zealand plans for right now. Just don't think about it for a few weeks, and start planning a trip to New England. See how that feels. If that starts to come more naturally and you feel better about it, then maybe your decision has subconsciously been made for you.

And for what it's worth (and with no disrespect to your husband's hometown), if you get there, head over to the Canadian side to see Niagara Falls if you can. It's really lovely from that side and easy to get to. But of course it's also nice from the Buffalo side. 😊

Thanks for the replies.

@Nigel, thank you for the support. You and a few others here who personally know us know that I’m not an alarmist.

@Pam, Thanks for the pep talk. I’m very bummed out to not see you ladies in Paris next month.

@Laura, thank you for the link to the Roadscholar tour.

@Yarramar, thanks for sharing your experiences and the webpage link.

@ Tammy,you might be right that it’s the state of the world that is giving me pause. I’ve never used a travel agency, but it’s a good suggestion. Does your cousin’s travel agency just specialize in AUS or does he also have information about NZ? I don’t need help with the short time in AUS.

@Ms. Jo, thanks for reminding me about TA. That can be a good resource.

@Mardee, I think pausing for a few weeks while also getting more information is good. Maybe part of me is concerned that this will be far more expensive than I had planned for with the price of gas going up seemingly hourly. With a driving trip that is a concern. I’m sure other prices will go up as well.

Andrea, he specializes in Australia and New Zealand. At one time, before covid, his agency was the largest wholesaler to trips down under on the west coast. His web page is Down Under Answers.

Andrea, I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. He was lucky to have had you managing things, and it’s good that you’d been able to make arrangements. A bittersweet trip certainly doesn’t sound like the best experience.

It seems a bit like you’re looking for reasons to not follow through with NZ this year. Gas prices, and inflation in general, are definitely becoming more and more of a concern. But for what it’s worth, the ski guru and filmmaker Warren Miller always said about bucket list (ski) destinations, “If you don’t do it this year, you’ll be one year older when you do!”

@Cyn, you make a good point about age. This trip will coincide with a milestone birthday and I’m not getting any younger. It’s a long distance trip crossing many time zones and I want to do it while I’m physically able. I was in Australia exactly a year ago and went snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef twice. I don’t know how long I’ll be physically able to do things like that, but I don’t want to put things off and lose my opportunity.

Highlights of our little South Island journey.

Lake Pukaki and the drive along it to Aoraki (Mt Cook). Red Tarns in the Aoraki/ Mt Cook NP.
The walk alongside Lake Tasman from the river mouth. Icebergs in the lake, mountain and Glacier views, cheeky native birds.
Omarama Clay Cliffs, took me by surprise.
Lindis Pass, great bit of road then hiked up high from the viewing point rest stop.
Cromwell. Just a lovely town, some cool stuff in the reconstructed old town.
Driving beside the Kawarau gorge between Cromwell and Q'town.
Doubtful Sound and the whole experience. Highlight of the trip.
Milford Sound. It would've been the highlight except for Doubtful.
Arrowtown. Lovely old mining town.
Crown Range. Great exhilarating drive. Some great views and fun hiking up above it.
The drive from Wanaka to Haast, just beautiful,
A great Aurora Australis viewed at our Haast Campground.
Hiking around the Fox Glacier area. Extraordinary flora. Somebody asked if we were okay because we were on all fours studying tiny ferns haha. The views of the Glacier are cool too.
Hiking around Franz Josef Glacier- as for Fox.
Hokitika Gorge. Absolutely beautiful.
Hokitika Treetop Walk. A cool up close study of the higher trees.
The drive up Arthur's Pass. Super fun drive. Obligatory stop at the Viaduct viewpoint and the inevitable invasion of car vandalising Kea.
Hiking to Devils Punchbowl Falls and beyond. I could never get sick of those forests.
The drive off Arthurs. I wasn't expecting that to be as stunning as it was.
Close encounters with many amazing birds. Also seeing a pair of Takahe at the Te Anau bird sanctuary. Takahe were thought extinct until being rediscovered in 1948.
The blue, blue waters of rivers and lakes and the amazing threaded rivers.
IThe snow covered Alps, I can never see too many snowcapped peaks.
Cheap trip. We spent about USD 1500 on campervan hire. 400 on the two Fiordland excursions. We had set 500 aside for them so that gave us a bit extra for the 2d half of the trip. We spent a remaining 1400 or so across 21 days so less than 70 a day to cover food, fuel, campgrounds, miscellaneous spending and just a handful of admission costs. They were nominal honesty box parking fee Omarama Clay Cliffs. Museum admissions Arrowtown and the Quake Museum. The Treetop Walk in Hokitika, we decided to do that one because we had saved on the Fiordland excursions.
So you don't need to spend big to enjoy a South Island trip.
If the fuel crisis continues maybe set your sights on next year.

Thanks Pleb.

I’m feeling more positive about the trip and I appreciate all the advice that has been given.

Thanks again to everyone who offered advice and moral support. I wanted to come back and report that even though I really want to go to NZ I was not able to overcome whatever was holding me back from making an itinerary, reservations, etc. We made the decision a few days ago that it was best to pull the plug and pivot to somewhere else. It’s not our Plan B, or even our Plan C (Hawaii). We decided that this would be an opportunity to go to places we had planned to go but had to be dropped on prior trips (Amalfi Coast, Sorrento, Naples), places we had too little time in (Rome, Vienna, Salzburg) and back to Budapest, which we really enjoyed two years ago. A week wasn’t enough to see everything we wanted there. It took me a maximum of 15 minutes to come up with our itinerary and now I’m researching where we will stay. I feel like I’m back to my normal travel planning self!

@Andrea - thanks for returning to this post and letting us know. I am so happy to hear you got the joy in planning a trip again!
Can’t help much on destinations (been over 20 years since I was in central Europe), but I will be going to Budapest for first time later this summer/early fall. I’ll be staying at Casati Hotel which fits my desired location, vibe and budget. I was overwhelmed with hotel choices but booked early because I will be there during the Wine Festival.

I really like that new list.

Still October / November or since it is Northern Hemisphere more into spring or back to early fall?

Thanks Nigel. Yes, the same time frame but adding a few extra days to make it 6 weeks. Our birthdays are in November, just 5 days apart, and this year I’ll be entering a new decade. I want to celebrate the fact that I’m still alive, against all odds. 😉 We will be in Budapest for my birthday and Vienna for Jim’s.

I wish I were going to be in Budapest then to celebrate your bd in return!

TTM, I wish you could be there too. I’m sure you could make it happen. 😉